You Cannot Expect Love To Save You

person walking on desert
Brooke Cagle / Unsplash

I can’t believe you are really gone.

Just last week, we went to the theme park together scaring ourselves silly with the Halloween horror. Just last week, you kissed me on my lips lovingly that sent tingles down my spine. Just last week, we booked our first vacation trip cause you wanted to celebrate my birthday with me.

Just last week, I could envision us growing old and wrinkled together as you held my hand through all the obstacles and life journey. Just last week, I was happy and everything was rosy. I had a boyfriend that I thought loved me. Just last week, I was getting ahead with myself planning all the trips we won’t take, the memories that won’t happen again, and a life we won’t have together.

I knew that it was for the best that both of us have to part. You had your own issues and I needed to face my own demons. Together, we combusted until it was too late.

Our flames of desire sizzled intensely and while exciting at first was going to be the death of us. We both wanted badly to make it work but we were too lost and eventually, we crashed and burned. We both jumped into something we were not ready for and got more than what we bargained for. We had the best intentions but things went horribly wrong and we ended up hurting each other.

I was attracted to broken soul and I wanted to save you. I wanted to be who you needed and lifted you from your darkness. I wanted to change you so that you can, in turn, be the savior I was looking for.

But that wasn’t the way. Love isn’t about being responsible for someone’s happiness. It isn’t about making someone your whole world and using them to fill the hollowness of your heart. It isn’t depending on another to make you a better person and improve your situation. It isn’t a cushion you use to distract from all that is wrong in your life. It isn’t something you turn to for the purpose of chasing away your loneliness.

You have to do it on your own.

You have to love the person you are before you can accept someone else’s affection. Your partner can only enrich your life, make each day more fulfilling than the last but they cannot miraculously heal the hurt within you. They can complement your existing colorful life but they cannot complete you and you should not expect them to.

Meeting someone at the right timing doesn’t automatically make the relationship work. The only way to make it work is through commitment, hard work, and determination to never give up on each other.

I guess what saddened me the most was that even at the end, I was still willing to try. I was prepared to give it my all and do whatever I can so that we can remain together. Yet you chose to take the easy way out citing our differences and blamed it on wrong timing.

Through my tears, I told you that I forgave you and never blamed you. You were so guilty and started crying confessing that you never meant to hurt me.

Maybe someday when we’re both ready and dealt with our issues, we will find our way back to each other. Or maybe you’re just a lesson that is supposed to teach me that I can never look for love to save me. TC mark

Liane White

I write about falling in love and out of love.

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