It’s easy to settle into a comfortable routine of texting him even when there’s nothing much to say. It’s easy to lean onto him for company; the long lonely nights seem more unbearable to take. It’s easy to be tolerant to the toxic behaviors and close your eyes to the blatant red flags because you’re deathly afraid of being alone.
It hasn’t always been this way because there was a time when you’re okay to be single. Even enjoy the solitude occasionally. But when you meet him, you thought he’s different, unlike anyone you met before. You let down your guard and let him into your world, desperately hoping that this would work this time. You pinned all your hopes on him and you’re terrified of getting hurt, uncertain you can handle another heartbreak.
Love is many things but if you have to restrain yourself to be fully and totally yourself, then you may have to think again.
Love isn’t settling and ignoring the small voice in the back of your mind wanting more. Love isn’t the painful emotion that leaves you in tears and shattered when he breaks his word and let you down for the umpteenth times. Love isn’t all about accommodating to someone else and putting yourself as second place. Love isn’t blindly accepting everything about this person and believing any affection he gives you than nothing at all.
Love isn’t thinking you’re not good enough or deserving enough and that any person who shows you the minimum kindness loves you.
If you can be truly honest with yourself, you aren’t really in love with him. You’re in love with the idea of it. You’re in love with the possibility of walking down the aisle with him. You’re in love with the potential of how he could be the person you’re dreaming to be with and what you and him could have together. You’re in love with the probability of him falling back to you just as hard and loving you the way you yearned to be over.
I want to remind you that your life is bigger than finding your forever person. It sucks sometimes to be the only single person in your friends’ group. It’s discouraging when your shot in love slip out of your finger time and time again when others seemed to fall in love so easily. It’s despairing to think you may never find your person. It’s dismal when negativity catches up with you and you’re absolutely crushed.
But the alternative of being with the wrong person is much worse. Don’t let the fear of being single stop you from following your heart. Don’t believe for a second that this is the best you can get.
Being single isn’t scary. It’s the idea that you build in your head that you couldn’t do without him. You can and you will. You have been fine all your life by yourself and slowly, you will build yourself up from ground zero and start learning the ways to your heart. You don’t need him or anyone to make you feel complete. You’re your own person and things will definitely fall into the right place once you reclaim back your identity.
A relationship that you have to settle in isn’t really love. It stops you from finding the real and true love that you always believe in.