I Am Slowly Learning How To Love Myself

I am slowly learning to set my life straight and to put myself as a priority.

The constant self-blame, the never-ending drama, and the toxic people that I was involved with are taking a toll on my health. It’s not doing me any good. It’s making me sink deeper into my negativity. It’s turning myself into someone I cannot recognize.

From today onward, I am making a conscious decision to take small steps and make minor adjustments to my life. I will drink more water, eat clean to the best of my ability, and incorporate some form of exercise into my daily routine. I will think positive thoughts, choose to surround myself with like-minded people and to work hard for the life that I want.

No matter how difficult it gets, I will get up and face the day. Rather than thinking that the universe is against me for all the bad things that have happened, I will choose to believe that everything happens for a reason. It can be bitter to swallow the hard truth but I have learned that wallowing in self-pity isn’t going to help much. Instead, I will focus on what I can control and do what I can to bring me closer to my goals. I will choose positivity and appreciate how far I have come and celebrated all that I achieved.

I am slowly realizing the love that I deserve and setting a standard for my next relationship.

After a while of falling for unavailable men and temporary relationships, I never want to get into another one again. Because at the end of the day, I ask myself, what is the point?

My friend stayed single her whole life vowing to wait for the right one and she finally found her true love at 27. When I saw her photo with her beau glowing with joy and both looking so blissfully in love having found each other, something struck me and it made me contemplated over my bleak dating history.

What was I doing here with half-hearted relationships and clinging to people who wouldn’t give me their time of the day? How could I hope to find someone to love me when truthfully I couldn’t do it for myself?

And I decided that I would rather wait for the one who genuinely wants to be with me and chooses me. I will wait for the love that heals me and devotes his entire effort to keep me in his life. I will wait for the relationship that is everything I ever dream of and give me the happiness I deserve.

I am slowly learning to love myself every single day of my life and to build a life that I’m proud of.

I used to think that not hitting those important milestones by a certain age was the end of the world. I used to equate not being in a romantic relationship as a personal failure that I was ashamed of. I used to look at my friends’ lives enviously and wished that I had theirs instead.

For a period of time, I was bitter and unhappy and I realized this wasn’t the way to live. This version of success is one that was drilled into me by society and it wasn’t mine to begin with. What I want is to do a job that I enjoy doing, pursue my passions that set my heart on fire, and live the life that I want at my own term.

Self-love is something that I have struggled with all my life. I still have a long way to go. I’m still in the midst of figuring out my purpose and truly getting to know me. It’s a long process but I have faith in my journey that I will find what I’m looking for.

I will find myself. TC mark

Liane White

Liane is a 20-something girl living in sunny Singapore. She writes about falling in love, falling out of love, and everything in-between.

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