I want more than a possibility with you.
I want a real relationship. To stop dancing between blurry lines and have clear communication on where we stand. To introduce you as my official boyfriend to all my friends and family so that they can stop disapproving of our confusing status and have them be happy for us. To hold your hand in public and be blessed to call you mine.
I want the real work. Even the hard times, the awful phrases, and the stressful moments. Give them to me. I want you to lean on me when you feel depleted of strength and zero faith to continue to fight for another day. I want to release my tension by opening up to you at the end of a strenuous workday and have you tell me, it’s okay. I want us to embrace our troubles together and realized that there is no adversity too big to be conquered when we have each other.
I want it all.
I know relationship is not a walk in the park. It’s not made of fairy dust and I can’t expect it or you to make me feel complete. But still, I’m willing to give it a try. I’m ready to welcome love into my life. It may be scary to take that unpredictable, and whirlwind step but I don’t want to live with any regret. I don’t want to stay stagnant here always hovering over you and uncertain of your feeling. There is a strong possibility of getting my heart shattered into million pieces but at least, I know. Love isn’t easy but at least, it is real.
Because right now, we aren’t real. We’re nothing more than a possibility and a tale of maybe that could never amount to anything more.
From the first moment I set my sight on you, my heart skipped a beat. You were exactly my type and my ideal person in the flesh. The longer we interacted and get to know each other, the more I realized my attraction towards you goes beyond skin-deep. We spent so much time together that I thought you enjoyed being with me. We could click so well that I assumed we were on the same page. We behaved like a couple to the extent I thought we were one. You were so friendly and nice to me that I thought you liked me.
But I couldn’t be more wrong. You bailed at the first chance you got. You were not there for me when I needed you the most. Turned out that it was all wishful thinking of my own part. Delusional fantasies that had no place in reality. Foolish hopes that were doomed to fail from the start.
Almost relationship sucks so badly because we are never really in love with the person. It’s because we’re more in love with the idea of them, the possibility of something more and the likelihood of it happening. If I weren’t so blinded by my own feeling, I would have seen from the beginning how you never intended to start anything real with me. I would have learned that it wasn’t me but you who were too cowardly to tell me the truth.
I was ready for what I thought was a brand new beginning with you. But sadly, you were not the one I thought you were. This is hard to accept but I shall take it as a blessing in disguise that I found out about your true colors.
I shall be grateful that our almost relationship never become official because you would have broken my heart anyway.