Right now, you feel that you could never be happy again. Right now, you’re struggling to contain the sobs that rake through your entire body. Right now, you’re wondering what did you ever do to deserve such devastation and you feel utterly hopeless of things turning around.
But you have done nothing wrong. But rather, you have done much more than he ever deserved.
You have outdone yourself and put your heart on the line for someone who kept his away from you. You have overstayed your welcome in someone’s life, never realizing that he never had any intention of keeping you.
You have overstepped your role as a platonic friend, and yet he refused to give you more and continued to string you along. You have overestimated your ability to be clear and logical in keeping your emotions at bay while insisting on sacrificing your self-interest to keep him happy.
The truth is, you feel terrible and you know you’re responsible for your own pain. You know you have no one except yourself to blame for your heartbreak.
You knew from the beginning that you and he were impossible, yet you insisted on rewriting your story and changing your fate. You saw all the red flags and warning signs from a mile away yet you pretended not to see them and choosing to believe what you wanted.
You knew that he could never loved you the way you feel towards him yet you still decided to give you everything you had.
You give your heart fully without any hesitation and fear. You hate how uncaring he was, even when he saw how down and distressed you were. You hate how easily he turned away from you, acting you meant absolutely nothing to him. You hate how unfeeling he is, even when you professed your love to him.
You felt so used when he ignored you at his whim and only searching you when he needed your help. You felt abandoned, like a toy that was so easily replaceable, as through you meant nothing to him. You felt forsaken when he seemed to ease into a life without you effortlessly, while you remained stuck in the past.
If you had only acknowledged the brutal reality of what it was, you would not have allowed this to carry it so far. If you could be more rational, you would not have loved him to the point of losing yourself. If you had listened to all your friends and loved ones’ plea to please stay away from him, you would not have been in this predicament.
If you had loved yourself more, you would not need to find love in a boy whose only priority was himself and who only see you as an option and nothing more than that.
And I want to tell you that it’s okay.
It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve wasted on him, all that matter is that you’ve decided to let him go now.
It doesn’t matter how you think you couldn’t get over the past for the future is yours to create. It doesn’t matter how unlovable you feel right now because you promise to change and love yourself more at this very moment.
Battered and worn, you will survive this. Heartbroken and hurt, you won’t let this define you. Shattered and tired, you know you will move on from this.
For the first time since you met him, you look at him in new light. You see him for who he really is—someone unworthy of all the love you poured into him. You accept that he cannot give you what you want and if he won’t be the one to do the right thing and let you go, you’ll do it for him.
You’ll walk away from him knowing that you’re worth more than his almost love.