This Is When I Knew I Wanted Him To Be Mine

Tim Gouw

I knew I wanted him to be my boyfriend when I realized he was different from everyone I met.

He didn’t feel the need to impress me or to be someone he’s not. His promises weren’t hollow and dismissive. His affection wasn’t fickle and painful.

When I thought of him, I felt incredibly happy thinking of the many wonderful memories we had and would have together. He gave me a good feeling that he was serious towards me. He made me feel unbelievably loved and blessed to know him.

I knew I wanted him to be my boyfriend when he accepted me for who I was without the need to change me.

I told him all about my fears of the future and the worries that plagued me. I told him about my past that I wasn’t proud of and the mistakes that I wished I could undo. I told him about the people who hurt me and how I wanted to forget them. I told him about the things I could have done differently and the person I have become.

I told him everything and instead of pushing me away, he pulled me closer. He listened to what I said and validated my feelings. He made me feel comfortable and at ease with him.

I knew I wanted him to be my boyfriend when I could see a possibility with him. I was not a stranger to ending and goodbye. I was good at predicting my own heartbreak. I was used to unrequited love and unresolved closure.

Yet when it came to him, I no longer saw the inevitability of an ending snitched in the beginning. I no longer believed love equated heartbreak. I no longer felt that I was undeserving of love.

I stopped overthinking and I was content to let things to just be. He calmed my anxious mind and unsettled heart. He bared his soul with me and allowed me to see the person he was. He showed me what love was and redefined what I thought I knew of it.
I saw hopes of a new beginning every time he treated me so tenderly and lovingly, as though I was his most important person. I felt love whenever we spent time with each other and I marveled at how easy everything was.

I knew I wanted him to be my boyfriend when he felt exactly the same way as I did.

When I asked him to spend time with me, he agreed enthusiastically and started brainstorming with me ideas on where to go. When I met eyes with him and mustered my most charming grin, he blushed and looked away shyly. When I teased him endlessly with my annoying tactics, he made fun of me back until we both started laughing at how silly we were.

When I felt down and disappointed with life, he listened to my rants patiently and encouraged me not to give up. When I felt delighted and surreal of receiving happy news, he was the first one to congrats me and told me how proud he was of me.

When I told him I loved him, he breaks into the biggest smile and hugged me. I closed my eyes feeling safe and warm in his embrace and I did not have to wait for long when I heard his voice calling my name and saying the three words I’ve been longing to hear.

I love you. TC mark

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