She is not sorry for the way she loves.
She knows what she wants and right now, it’s you. She sees you there with your half smile, your tousled hair, and your unreadable eyes staring at her. She knows how she feels for you and unfortunately, she also knows how you feel or do not feel for her.
While her feelings for you are strong and unwavering, yours are unstable and uncertain. You like being with her, yet you are not sure if you like her. You are grateful that she treats you very well, yet you are not sure if you can reciprocate. You want to spend time with her, yet you do not want to hurt her.
It is getting harder for her to pretend that she doesn’t feel the way she does for you. It is getting more difficult for her to act as though nothing has happened when she’s head-over-heels smitten with you. It is nearly impossible for her to feign indifference and keep her feelings inside her.
The wise thing to do is to guard her heart to ensure that she don’t end up with a broken heart. But you see, that’s not her. She has never been the type who runs away from her own feelings and she is not going to start now.
So instead of keeping a distance from you, instead of drawing a clear boundary with you, instead of hiding her feeling from you, she decides to show you her love.
She decides to tell you by replying you back quickly every time you text her. She decides to tell you by refusing to play games and being unapologetically herself even if it means showing her vulnerable side to you. She decides to tell you by thinking of you first and going the extra mile for you.
She decides to show you her love by telling you how much you mean to her, and asking where she stands.
And for a while, everything seems to be going well. You thought you wanted to give it a shot with her. You thought you could make it work. You thought you did the right thing by accepting her love.
The truth is you don’t know who she really is. You let yourself get carried away with what you thought you knew about her. You let yourself carried away in the moment that you wanted to be with her when you were not ready.
You have second thoughts the moment she opens up with her vulnerabilities with you. You choose to give up what you have with her because you want to keep your options open, in case of the possibility of someone better coming along. You turn away and run because you are afraid you won’t be able to love her the way she loves you.
But she is not sorry for being the girl who loves with everything she has.
She is impulsive, wild, and herself. The untamed wildness in her eyes reminds you of the raging ocean. They seem to draw you into the tides that seemed enticing at first, and then the waves intensified. They grew to be too much.
You begin to yearn for the safety of the shores. You begin to pull away. You begin to think she is not who you thought she was.
You begin to apologize for not able to love her enough when the truth is you didn’t try.
And when all else has failed, when she has tried her best to salvage what is left of you and her, she is not sorry to leave you.
She knows her worth and she knows you are not worthy of her time and effort, of trying to love you when you are not ready for any sort of commitment. She knows you are not worthy of her tears when you don’t appreciate her or care about her.
She knows you are not worthy of her love when you can’t love her the way she deserves.
She is not sorry for loving you; rather, she is sorry that she won’t be here when you regret letting her go.