You don’t know what she was thinking.
One moment she bestowed you her sweetest smile and kissed you as through it was the last night on earth; the next day when you texted her, you were met with radio silence. You thought both of you had a connection. You made vacation plans with her while she nodded enthusiastically. You held her hand and she didn’t protest.
She was always so agreeable and game to whatever you wanted to do. She wore her heart on her sleeve and she was never afraid of letting you know her feelings. She had no qualms going the extra mile for you, to make you happy.
She doesn’t fall in love easily but when she does, she falls hard.
When she falls in love, she treads carefully and is cautious with her heart. She is used to a life on her own and the familiarity of her orderly life comforts her. That’s why your abrupt entrance into her life terrified her.
You turned her world upside down. She was thrown off her axis. She was in frenzy at the foreign feelings you stirred in her.
For the first time in forever, she wants to relinquish control and give in to her impulse to trust you. She wants to forsake her rationality to love you recklessly.
It may take awhile, but once she falls for you, she is willing to welcome you into her life with open arms. She doesn’t love half-heartedly, but gives you her whole heart without reservations. Come what may, she has no intention of going away. Your flawless demeanor does not impress her and she is not smitten with your attractive, good looks. She is not intimidated by your strong personality and assertive nature. She sees you for who you are and accepts you for all your imperfections.
But before that happens, she wants you to know that she’s not easy to love. She’s going to challenge you to accept her real self; she’s going to test you if you are worth the effort, and she’s going to be difficult for you to win over.
Here’s the thing about the girl who loves with the intensity that she does: She’s going to feel everything stronger than the average person. She’s going to interpret your careless shrug when you forgot plans with her as not caring. She’s going to perceive your distant gaze and silent withdrawal as you having second thoughts about her. She’s going to realize you no longer liked her even before it dawned on you.
And because she is starting to fall for you, she’s alarmed at how much you already mean to her. She’s stricken at the thought of you breaking her heart. She’s petrified at how fast she’s falling while you remained unmoved.
So she tries her hardest to regain back her senses and convince herself that you’ll never feel the same way towards her, and build her walls up high. She keeps her emotions under a tight lid and puts on a composed mask of indifference, telling herself she doesn’t care about you. She lets you go with cold words and shocking news of her change of heart.
The truth is that she does not want to let you go at all.
When she looks at you, she sees untold stories and adventures dying to be written. When she’s with you, she catches a glimpse of what you and her could have together.
She wants nothing more to love you and be loved by you.
But because she knows instinctively how unattainable that is, and how you can never feel the same way towards her, she has to leave. She has to let you go now before the day she can’t.