Of all the things I hate about you, it must be the way you ended things with me. There was no dramatic argument that stretched over time, no long hours spent debating over our future, and no indication of our impending end.
It was your quiet admission that ruined us.
In the aftermath, I told myself that you meant well. I comforted myself that it was better to love than not at all. But still, I could not stop the relentless wave of hot anger that stirred in me when I thought of how easily you brushed me off to start your new life. I recoiled, sick to my stomach, thinking of the countless times you promised me you would never leave and how now you are doing exactly what you swore you wouldn’t. I felt as through the ground beneath me had suddenly cracked open and I was falling down into an endless black abyss with no way out.
I felt blinded and sidelined as through I should have known better. That one way or another, I should have seen it coming. I felt cheated and deprived as through you stole something precious from me.
And you had.
You were you and I was I, until you made the first move and sought to make you and me us. I lost all hope in love until you showed up and convinced me to give us a shot. Despite my fear and misgiving, I opened my guarded heart and welcomed you into my life.
You barged into my world so fast that I was left reeling. Suddenly, you had invaded my every thought. You conquered all my resistance against you. You took over the space in my heart. You won me over and enslaved me with your love.
I could not believe the you that I loved so dearly changed into another person overnight. I could not accept our ending so I ran. I wanted to hurt you like how you hurt me so I cut you out of my life coldly. I was so motivated to get over you and to move on first that I did everything I could to show that I was fine. I pretended that I had never loved you. I dismissed what we had as something that was not real. I let my hatred of you to overrule my head and I wished that I’d never met you.
I didn’t expect myself to fall for you. This spark between us spread like wildfire until I was utterly enthralled by you. One look into your unfathomable eyes and I was lost. This deadly attraction continued burning until I was inflamed. And I fell so hard.
Now with so much time and distance between us, my anger has faded. My strong front of how well I’ve been doing has crumbled to dust. And I’m done pretending.
I want to tell you that I’ll never regret knowing you.
Even knowing that our love couldn’t last and you weren’t able to stay, I would still do it all over again in a heartbeat.
For you taught me love is possible no matter how hopeless I felt. You made me understand the importance of standing on my own feet instead of depending on another to catch me when I fall. You held me in high regard and reminded me never to settle for less than I deserve. You set the bar so high I don’t know if anyone else can ever match that.
We might not be together now, but you revived in me the hope that one day I will find love again. You are the reason why I believe in love and why I will never stop seeking it.