And with a smile on my lips, a casual flip of my hair, a determined, unyielding look in my eyes, a slight tile of my head, and a soft whisper of ‘goodbye,’ I bid you farewell with dignified grace and walk out of your life.
I realize that there is no future with you. Even when forever ends, I will be always be altered by you. By what you said, what you loved, what you fought so fiercely to protect. You are everywhere in my life. A song from the radio. Whispers in the wind. Fallen flowers. Slow dance on the beach. Midnight stroll under the moon.
And maybe in me too.
I have become more like you.
Wild spirit. Relentless determination. Reckless and impulsive. In the moment. Unapologetic to be myself. Practical and realistic.
I used to think that you took away all that is good of me. The truth is, there wasn’t any good in me when I met you. You did not alter the course of my life or make me who I am today. I did it all to myself. When I gave in to the dark thoughts echoing in my mind. When I persisted in pursing what was not mine. When I insisted on learning the hard way and realizing that I never learn.
I may wish that I never met you but I do not regret what I did. For I am the type that will choose love over fear every single time.
Even when my heart is gasping open in blood, when my eyes are blinded with tears, when my mind is gone as the wind, when I am between hell and the dark abyss, when I am lying lifeless on the floor, I will still choose love above all else.
That doesn’t make me weak. It makes me brave. I will love with every fiber of my soul though tattered, with all the broken shreds of my heart, with all the tiny pieces left of me. I will love and you cannot stop me. You cannot break me.
I will love myself more. For I have learn to do that when you won’t do that for me.