I am a feminine, heterosexual, biracial man. I can guarantee you at least one of those things will bother at least one person. Whether it is the fact that I dare to proudly announce it, as opposed to shyly hiding it. Whether it is the fact I am saying it as if it is a big deal when really who cares? Whether misogynistic and toxic masculinity warriors are having a seizure at the idea of someone being both feminine AND YET STILL a heterosexual man. Whatever it is, an admission of one’s identity often lands you in a debate with someone.
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Warning: longer post than usual coming… "I didn't know I was broken til I wanted to change, I wanna get better, better, better, better. I wanna get better" – The Bleachers | I Wanna Get Better . . . This picture is from Christmas because I still like it and because, to be honest, I tried too many pictures of myself today and found I could not bring myself to like any of them. Of all the things my friends, counsellors and family have helped me to overcome over the years, my self-consciousness is still something that is very real. I know that that's normal though. I know that taking a picture away from the mess in my room does not clean the mess. I know that, though some people think it vain, taking pictures is as healthy as much as it is unhealthy. It's good to look at yourself… Sort of objectively, to remind yourself what you look like, to admit you hate the way your nose looks or the way your eyes fall, or the shape of your ears. Because built up self hatred is much worse. Confrontation gives you the chance to meet your self hatred with love and search for a way to get better. Because you can and will. Wait for the time you accept yourself, complete with flaws. Wait for the time you accept compliments easier and believe them. Wait for the time you can take 3 pictures instead of 30 and be happy with all of them. And in the meantime. Just keep trying and don't give up on yourself because you deserve better than that. #writer #selfhelp #anxiety #appearance #selfie #pictures #me #beauty
So, I ask, why the fuck should you care? No, seriously, if people are going to have an issue with at least one aspect of your identity, then you might as well be totally yourself. As long as you remain a good person that doesn’t intentionally set out to hurt people then basically you do you.
We spend so long in school, in college, in university, even at work, blending in. We’re given some idea of a hierarchy of coolness, of popularity. At least when we’re young we want to achieve the very height of such coolness, we feel as if it is the only way in which we can be integrated into someone’s circle, to feel like we belong somewhere. Loneliness is a cruel emotion that tricks us into believing we are sub-par at best, and everyone else is a deity by comparison.
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I am tired, but a good tired. I am filled with ambition and drive, and I know that these bags under my eyes, and heaviness in my body are a light and welcome swap for the exhaustion I am used to. _____ I wake up, I go to work, on my break I go to Caffe Nero and treat myself to a coffee (and often a cake) and sit down to plan, to organise, to dream. I go back to work, finish and come back home to once again sit down to plan, to research, to find inspiration. _____ On my days off, I spend most of my time researching other authors and reading articles on positive marketing and ways to succeed. The cycle moves on, I am not letting it envelope me in any fear of failure and I am finding time to rest. Yet, in becoming overwhelmed with my own mental health, something finally clicked, a final straw. Instead of falling apart, and becoming downhearted, I stepped up, I recognised if I was going to be tired, then I had to let it be for the right reason. _____ So yes, I am tired, my mental state is still to-be-confirmed but I am no longer looking at the walls and asking things to get better. I am opening the windows and screaming at the top of my lungs that I will not stop until they do get better, and I will know that when they do, it will be because I didn't give up. #writer #poetsofig #poetrybook #determination #mentalhealth #tired #positivity #success #routine #strong #caffenero #coffee #cake #writingcommunity #ambition #liamxavier
How long have you spent comparing yourself to someone else? Being bullied into being someone you’re not? Feeling under pressure to bend your truth to fit the mold? Most of you will agree that the answer to that is probably “All the bloody time”.
I get it. I’m 23 and I can honestly say that I’m still very confused about who I am, but I am beginning to care less about how that impacts everyone else’s perception of me. I like shopping for clothes, I like fashion. I like bubble baths with nose strips and face masks. I like rings and jewelry and accessories in general. I like being occasionally a little flamboyant and over-jovial. I like that when I fall in love with someone, I will love her with everything I have. I like that I am in awe of my friends and will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.
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Recite your little goals. Recite the things you DID do. Recite the things you DIDN’T do, that would normally be toxic routine. ______ “Today I was sober for half of the day” “Today I showed her love by clearing the whole day to spend with her” “Today I did not cry, Today I even caught myself in a giggle.” “Today I looked in the mirror and said 'damn' I look pretty good" “Today I told someone I needed help” “Today I began to move on” “Today I stopped stalking their social media” “Today I read a book for the first time in months” “Today I let myself do what I wanted to do” “Today I saw the toxin in his venom” “Today I saw the medicine in her words” “Today I reconnected with an old friend” “Today I stopped picking at my appearance.” “Today I found my own love.” ______ WHATEVER YOU NEED TO SAY. RECITE IT. BELIEVE IN IT. Maybe just maybe those little goals will lead to big moments. #writer #photo #photodiary #today #recite #goals #liamxavier #littlegoals #stepbystep #believe #inspire #love #socialmedia #healthy #mentalhealth #mentalattitude #words #poetry #poetsofinstagram
I get it. It has taken me this long just to say I like these things. I also find them a little annoying. That’s okay. The point is, I’ve found some parts of my identity that I like enough to display in figurative glowing neon to the world. A large, shining, green sign that reads “I am biracial, and I love the deep roots of my heritage.“, “I am feminine and I love the sensitivity in my veins” ,“I am over-emotional and I love the love that comes as a result.”
Think of deciding one day that you were confident enough with the style of your hair that you made it brighter, you went that one step further that you had always wanted to go. Your smile reaches to the sky. Your heart is filled with a feeling of pride and the people that matter are enamored at your transformation and your happiness. Then imagine thinking that you had let a naive, fellow insecure human stop you attaining such beauty and joy. Imagine you scrolled for too long down your Instagram feed, believing you could never reach the standards of the models you’re seeing. Again, I ask, who cares? True authenticity, real self-love and a mind that has a whole plethora of ideas and passions and thoughts and beliefs, that is where the real beauty lives.
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I like coming back to this photo, because it is the most perfect representation of one of the greatest moments of my life. _____ Greatest because I felt so much love and my mind was cooperating with me in so many wonderful ways. I was still at University and every night out filled me with so much confidence and joy and I was so in love with my own dreams. _____ I guess with my normal mental health issues, coupled with the difficulty of being graduated from 4 years of a life at University, and still so many dreams, my mind doesn't know what to do. _____ Im so unpredictable right now, I go up so high, and feel so great and then drop back down and feel paranoid out of nowhere. I'm okay with that, as I mentioned yesterday but I keep returning to these photos of University, and feeling so proud and nostalgic and more than anything excited for the future because of how great these moments have been before. Life is not about being stuck in the past, its about remembering the happy outside of the upset, and knowing there are more moments to be created. Photo credit: @alexazardus I believe. #writer #university #subar #uni #graduate #joy #happiness #emotions #complexity #unpredictable #photo #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessweek
The real beauty lives within the acceptance of yourself.