How To Fit In: The Cultural Elite

  1. Know your fashion. Do not sequester yourself to only the major fashion houses. You’re not a housewife – you’re on the streets and you should know who’s coming, who’s doing a collabo and who’s going. If you’re a girl, Isabel Marant is your leader and if you’re a guy, try wearing Celine as a public statement on gender, image and consumerism.
  2. Know your film. Don’t even think about name-dropping Fellini. (101.) Have a concrete knowledge of all highbrow film spanning the decades: Italian Neorealism, French New Wave, and 70s American (post-)classics. Love the horror genre and for some unknown reason, have the ability to sit through entire B-rated movies and like, Snakes On An effing Plane because your cultural palette is diverse and discriminating only in an elite majority situation.
  3. Don’t know your television. You shouldn’t have a TV (if you do, you should cancel your cable package); you should consume public radio. While the world marvels at the texture of J. Lo’s skin on Idol, you’re bettering yourself with This American Life or in the case that you’re feeling sensitive and tactile, reading Dostoyevsky and tweeting about it.
  4. Know your music. Listen to all genres. Have deep affinities for the Pixies, Joy Division, and My Bloody Valentine. Listen to ironic, often early hip hop to offset your largely independent catalog. And don’t feel guilty or (god forbid) late about following suit in this arena: good music is good music and you can’t deny it. That’s a good thing. You’re getting cultured now.
  5. Know your food. Local is so last year. Truffle oil? Been there. You’re probably into meat and fat right now but not for long as popularity seems to be waning. You can order like a pro but there is a very high possibility that you can’t actually cook for yourself – forgivable as you’re still young. Start exploring pesce- and flexitarianism…
  6. Dabble in knowing art. Full immersion isn’t required to fit in with the cultural elite – just have enough to riff off of. I mean, it’s hard to care about something you can’t afford to consume. A couple of names and ideologies should get you by for now. Have Art Basel dreams; (New York is over).
  7. And if you really don’t know, apathetic displays usually move the conversation along. Not sure what your elitist friend is referring to? Pause. (You’re thinking, really thinking on it.) Inhale deeply and part your lips slowly as if to speak, blink, then seal them again. Exhale through your nose as you let your throat whisper, filling the dead air around you. More blinking and a slight upward gaze should be just enough disregard to reset on a new topic you know lots about: curating your personal and affected arsenal of culture. TC mark
image – American Psycho

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  • Megan

    i really hope this is at least semi-sarcastic…

    • Like Duh

      Like Duh

  • Jordan

    Three How Tos on one page…impressive

  • Okay

    okay

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  • natasha

    i do all these things and i still don't fit in

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    what is this article even about?

  • QueenofIndie

    I'm going to assume that this is sarcastic? At least somewhat?

  • stochastic

    I think you meant to say “palate” instead of “palette” , which sort of undermines your entire post right there.

    • liaparsley

      you should google before you comment.

    • http://typicalnut.blogspot.com Bema

      What she meant by palette is the diverse flavors of culture from whence she is going to draw mentions and false intellectualism. 

      The author doesn't imply that she likes any of those things, just that that's how you should act to gain admittance to the cultural elite. If one were to actually like and enjoy whatever the hell film genres [true fact: pronounced jeaners], then it would be part of her palate, her natural, inbred taste that is quintessential to her thought process.

      Learn the subtle nuance of words. Savor them.

  • ryan chang

    hehehe.

  • Viv

    I really hope all the people that hope this is sarcastic are being sarcastic

  • Aelya

    Why is literature always forgotten

    • liaparsley

      i think because there's no image.

  • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

    also it's important to viciously mock anyone who knows about the same stuff as you while maintaining an aura of boredom / weary patience towards their shallowness

  • Uhnonnymus

    yawn

  • http://twitter.com/brandon2084 Brandon

    Anyone who does any of that will be given a kitty. They will fall in love with that kitty. And in the dead of night I will steal into their homes and punch them in the face. 

    Yeah, I quoted TV. Suck it bitches.

  • andy
  • Dan

    getting an anonymous “like” on TC is like a stranger complimenting you. ie feels confusing at first then a little bit good.

  • Tanja

    I LOVE this!!

  • Bob

    “Inhale deeply and part your lips slowly as if to speak, blink, then seal them again. Exhale through your nose as you let your throat whisper, filling the dead air around you. More blinking and a slight upward gaze “

    Please explain this to me. Is it a reference to something?

    • liaparsley

      Ha! No, but I see.

  • Nicholasmarc

    Please don't kid yourself into thinking your beatnik friends are part of “the cultural elite.”

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    […] habitat and traveled to the wilds of Miami for some fun in the sun and, I guess, work! You see, Art Basel, a VERY IMPORTANT art convention, was happening there and since all of the girls on this show are […]

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