It’s funny what space can do.
I tried to hang on, I used every excuse in the book to excuse everything he had done. But when it came down to it, I gave him space. What I didn’t expect, was what I would get out of it.
At first it felt like a knife. I cried and cried until I could cry no more. Finally understanding that he would never feel the same way. After the crying came more pain; the pain of missing him. He was in a different city and I no longer had an excuse to see him.
Then came the anger. Angry with myself for believing that he would change his mind. Angry with him for pushing aside our friendship so easily.
But 4 days later came the acceptance and realization. The realization that I had put so much into him and our friendship, that I forgot who I was. The independent, never rely on anyone else but myself girl whom I had lost. I hung onto our friendship and him so tight because I believed that he was my rock and my safe place when I was going through some tough times. But he was never going to fix me. Instead I had become the girl I told myself I never would.
Once I had become aware of who I had become, I also realized all of the lies that I had told myself. I thought that he cared about our friendship as much as I had. But I finally recognized that he had never opened up as much as I had. I was only there for the small stresses, but when he was really hurting, I was not the one he wanted to talk to. He needed space from ME, but truthfully, I also needed space from him.
So, in the end I am glad I told him that I would give him space, because if I had not, I would still be stuck in the imagination that was our relationship.
If you are ever unsure about someone, take some space. Maybe a week or maybe a month. But allow yourself to be without that person—whether it be a boyfriend or a friend—and you may just realize that you have become someone different, someone you never thought you would.