You didn’t break up with or leave me, you didn’t die. You are simply not home, not in my arms. You are hundreds of miles away- and I miss you. I miss you and its more painful than I ever imagined missing you would be. This kind of heartache is like no other. I cannot talk to you and that kills me, I long to hear your voice and feel your hand entangled in mine. I miss you in more ways than I can explain.
My chest is heavy; this is the kind of heartache that is pumped into my veins.
This is the kind of heartache that I can feel in my fingertips,
that makes my throat catch when I try to swallow. Its stronger than simply longing for you to be here. Restless nights are more often now, and there’s a slow growing empty pit in my stomach.
I didn’t know that it was possible to miss someone with all the fibers of your being. It makes me more emotional, causing me to blow up your phone with lengthy paragraphs of whats on my mind although I know you won’t see them for a long time. In all honesty, I can’t stop thinking about you, how you always find new ways to blow me away.
Sitting in my bed right after I wake up, I picture you laying there next to me, your hair a tangled mess falling into your face and those beautiful rich caramel eyes staring up at me. When I last saw you I tried to memorize how your face felt in my hands so my daydreams would feel a bit more real.
I wear your jacket like its apart of my skin, and I never go to sleep without praying that you are alright
and that you sleep well and have sweet dreams. Clutching the things you gave to me, I hope that you do the same when you’re missing me or when you’ve had a rough day. More importantly I hope that you remember all the kisses we’ve shared, all the dreams that we have for our future together, all the I love you’s, and that I meant it when I said I wanted forever.
I have never been good at telling you how I feel or explaining all the crazy things in my head. But sitting here, missing you. and listening to the song I sang to you before I had to kiss you goodbye, I know exactly what to say. This distance and time apart has been a test on our relationship. But I love and am grateful for every moment I have been blessed to have you in my life. It has made me more appreciative of your presence, and has proved that distance does make the heart grow fonder. With each passing day, I love you more and more.
I am certain that I want to spend the rest of my forever with you,
and “the love of my life” has a deeper meaning now. Through good and bad, I will support and love you. Whether we’re next to each other or hundreds of miles away, as long as we have each other, we can overcome and get through anything. And I hope you feel the same.
I will see you soon, love. My arms are patiently waiting.