Maybe We Shouldn’t Get A Second Chance

It’s unfair to selfishly hope the universe realigns itself for us. Because it won’t. Lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice just like our hearts won’t start another fire. We had our fire. It was beautiful for what it was, then it burnt out. For a short while, the dusty red amber that was left behind was all we had and it fooled us. It made us think the fire was still blazing, but we were fighting against the wind. The wind came softly and we couldn’t extinguish what doesn’t exist. It rapidly faded before our eyes, until all that was left was ash. A phoenix can rise again from ash, but I still don’t want to give you a second chance.

In theory, second chances imply that a change can be made and acted upon. It means we give ourselves the ability to be hurt again. We open our hearts, bearing all of our scars allowing the same person who put those scars in their place to create new, deeper ones. We’ll take them back because we want our peace. Peace equates to our sanity. We will adjust the barometer of our sanity because we have become desensitized by their bullshit. We’ve studied their pattern and anticipate the next wave of antics. Most importantly, we know how to prepare ourselves and our hearts. We think it will be better this time. We will tell ourselves anything to believe it, as long as it means having our dystopian sanity back. It’s like living in a beautiful nightmare of our own free will.

Second chances also imply history. You can still be worth my time, but not my energy. I can still have a place for your in my heart and rid myself of the perpetuating guilt that comes with keeping you around. I can only accept you as you are, and nothing more. I can’t wait for you to prove yourself to me because if I really knew what I was getting myself into, I’d never would’ve given you the first chance.