This Is What It’s Like To Lose A Forever Friend

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David / Unsplash

When we met, our friendship started immediately. It just clicked. Somehow we managed to make it work miles away from one another. It wasn’t weird, it was just part of our friendship. It lasted years; we were golden.

We had disagreements like all friends do, but we never actually took time to solve our issues. We said enough apologies to make it better, but we never said enough to make it right. Little did we know that was slowly breaking us. All those little issues became bigger and then we drew our line in the sand. We were victims of our own circumstance and in the context of our lives we were like two ships passing in the night.

We both felt hurt and said things we didn’t mean. I shouldn’t of been so surprised by how it ended. Having a best friend means having someone who gets you, laughs with you, cries with you, is painfully honest with you but also down for late night chats and accepts all the good and bad that comes with your world. We had all of that, despite the long distance.

Towards the end, communication became a chore. I couldn’t handle the passive texting anymore. It was toxic. I’d like to think we both knew but just didn’t want to admit it. I wanted our friendship to heal because I wasn’t ready to let it go. We fell out of friendship, despite being family. 

How much time is enough time to fall back into your friendship? Can it be repaired? Is it worth it? Do they care as much as I do about this? Those were all questions I asked myself as it came to an end. There’s no right answer and that sucks. It’s possible no amount of time will be enough to repair the damage.

Accepting that you’ve fallen out for friendship with someone you never thought you’d lose is tough. There’s no exact way to prepare yourself for that. Even though I saw the writing on the wall I didn’t want to accept it. It comes with a twisted selfishness of having to understand they’ll be completely fine without you. You’ll want the best for them and hopefully they’ll want the same for you. Fighting the urge to tell them all the highs and lows of your day because that was what you were used to. Breaking the cycle is not easy, but once you do it, it may just set you free. TC mark

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