Life is so unpredictable.
If you have ever made any plans in your life, you probably understand this statement. Everything that I have planned for myself when I was 12 never happened or couldn’t happen. Sometimes, when I am alone, I feel a little disappointed at how I turned out to be. I have imagined myself old to be this tall, slim, beautiful wonder-woman who knows everything and is on the way to achieving a career success.
Today, I am not even sure if I can pass the bar.
I am far from who I thought I could be or who I wanted to be. I’s likely movies and books have fed me fantasies of what an ideal adult looks like, but, so far, my life has not been what I expected. I have no academic success, I am not tall and I am not gorgeous. I am socially awkward and I am becoming more anti-social as I grow older. Is life making me a miserable person or am I just getting tired?
Back in the day, humans didn’t live very long. They lived to a ripe old age of 30 years old and passed away. With this known lifespan, they tried to make what they could of the short time that they had. Even if they didn’t, they didn’t have to suffer the consequences of their mistaken actions or omissions and slowly die in the knowledge of ‘what if’.
‘The road not taken’ by Robert Frost truly speaks to me now because I have come to a point in my life where I cannot reset everything again. This is not a game, there is no reset. Whatever mistakes I have made, I must carry them as baggage. My baggage is increasing in weight and I am getting tired.
Life has successfully punched me so many times that I am now reluctant to stand up.
I want to be a kid and cry on the floor. I want my parents to comfort me and give life a scolding for bullying me into a corner. I want so many things which are impossible.
In the movie Rocky Balboa, Rocky said to his son, “It does not matter how hard you can throw a punch, but how many punches you can take.” To this day, I have failed to find a better solution to life challenges. I have been shamed by my relatives, teachers and colleagues, rejected in so many job applications and failed in so many other parts of my life that I feel so tired and reluctant to get up at times. My normal solution is to sleep my problems away or take a stick of cigarette or a sip of wine but these are ‘losers talk’. I should listen to what I know deep inside and stand up for myself against life.
Why should I lose to life?
I’m going to throw back some of the punches that life has thrown at me.
I’m going to stand tall against all the challenges. Perhaps I am not who I wanted to be; perhaps I’m not who I imagined as a child, but I still have so much time. I am still on the road and I am still on my way. I can still realize whatever plans that I have made for myself.
I can still pass the bar.
I can still get that job that I have always wanted.
I can still buy that dream house.
I can still buy that Porsche.
I can still make my parents proud.
Why should I quit when there is still a possibility that I can win? Even if I did lose before, why shouldn’t I try again? If I am not afraid of anything, then why should I cower? I am going against the tide if you’re saying it is impossible for me to win at life. I am going against my fate if that’s what you’re saying I deserve. I write my own story and I make my own success.
I will not back down now and stop halfway. I am not a quitter. I am a fighter.