Step 1: Roll out of bed ready to take on a new day, but not before 10am
Step 2: Make a pot of coffee and drink the whole thing, remembering too late that you don’t actually have anything pressing to do, so over-caffeinating yourself is no longer necessary. Oops.
Step 3: Check Facebook. Notice that all your friends posted the exact same graduation photos because everyone’s parents were standing in the same spot. You don’t care, though. No need to untag—every photo is just so good. Reach for the Kleenex repeatedly as you hit the right arrow key and listen to “Wagon Wheel.”
Step 4: Mail’s here! Open an envelope addressed to you and find a “Congrats, graduate!” card with $25 inside. Feel grateful to Cousin Sue but think to yourself, “This won’t even buy me enough gas to get to my new apartment.” Feel bad about thinking this.
Step 5: Take your pot of coffee outside on the deck and read. FOR PLEASURE. Realize that you can now read whatever the hell you want (no more assignments!) and proceed to excitedly make a long list of books that will help fill your summer days and nights.
Step 6: Google “How to be a successful freelance writer.” Feign surprise when the “no results found” page comes up.
Step 7: Search “cheap ways to travel” and dream of globetrotting as you fall asleep face-first in your keyboard. It’s okay, though—after all that Googling, you deserve a break.
Step 8: Get sucked into one of those train wrecks of a TV special where you don’t want to watch but you can’t seem to look away, either. You know the ones I’m talking about (see: everything on Lifetime).
Step 9: Write out what you’ve done today and submit it to Thought Catalog. There’s nothing like seeing other people relate to your mediocrity to make you feel less alone.
Step 10: Crack open a beer. Plan to play the “but I just graduated and everything I know has been ripped from beneath me and I’m so lost and confused and don’t you feel bad for me?” card for as long as possible. Maybe this whole “real life” thing won’t be so bad. Realize that the next step is to get over yourself and do something. Think about it. …Maybe tomorrow. For now, there’s more aimless floundering to be done.