Waiting Is Not Going To Bring You Back

 Eli DeFaria
Eli DeFaria

Everyone will surely beat me to death once they find out that this post is about you. They’ll scold me again and again that it’s about time I move on as if it’s the easiest thing to do, and argue that I should just forget you because for them, you’ve always proven how unworthy you were.

But the thing is, they don’t know you the way I do and it hurts me to think they’ve been judging you this whole time without even trying to find out who you really are; past all the lies they continuously spread.

They don’t know the you that fanboys hardcore to the point that you will do your best to make sure you collect all the latest merchandise and albums your favorite artists release. I will always remember how proud and happy they all made you just by merely having them, and how you would be patiently wait for 12 PM, just to be one of the first few people to catch the songs’ or music videos’ release, and how you’ll have the song stuck in your head for as long as who knows when.

People will always say that you are one of the most war freak guy there is and the type you have to give some space when they make you mad, but what they don’t know is that there is also a sweet side of you: the guy who loves reading books about the love you fight for and want to keep for the rest of your life, and the you who gets easily jealous when a guy gets too close to your girl and just want your girl all to yourself.

They always say that no one is too busy, it’s just a matter of priority: if that was true, then you, of all people, have proven to me that I could be someone’s priority too.

I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who loves me enough to hide their phone when we were together just so he can give me his utmost attention.  You always made sure that we never fail to spend some time together no matter how in conflict our schedules were, or how hell or busy we were that week. You made sure that there was never a week I couldn’t see you smile because you knew how that smile of yours drove away every ounce of stress, weariness and sadness out of me.

They don’t know how you would shower me with immediate kisses on the cheeks once we get reunited after a long week of being apart. Never did I once worry that you didn’t care anymore about me, because you’d always give me a long hug to make sure I was okay and to remind me of how much you missed me. I’ve always heard about cliché stories about how stolen kisses made everything okay and right again, and I have never believed them until I experienced them with you.

You were always there for me more often than my closest friends who said they had my back ever were. You always made sure I was okay, by always asking me how I was and always checking on me. You made sure I wasn’t having a hard time so you made me feel like you were always a call or a message away. You held me together on the hardest yet most fulfilling term of my college life and I can honestly say “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

They don’t know how you almost broke down the last time we met because the being apart wasn’t also what you wanted to do: all they could do was judge you and insist that you weren’t sincere the whole time.

You didn’t know how badly I wanted to hold you and ask you to stay but we both know it was how it should end — apart from each other.

No one knows you the way I know you and I’ll always be thankful for the trust you gave me the moment you decided to open up to me, and for accepting the real me inside and out the moment I decided to open up to you too.

I can honestly say that you know me more than any of my friends will ever do and you don’t know how badly I still want to get to know you, hear how your day went, listen to your problems and rants, but I know for the fact that I will never be able to anymore.

I’m slowly trying to accept the fact that we can never really be together and that no matter how hard I try or how long I wait; I cannot change that fact anymore.

So this is me, saying goodbye to my favorite memories shared with you, those late night conversations, all those secrets we boldly opened up to each other, the hugs, the kisses, the time spent together, the hidden meetings, the us that was, and the us that could have been but we will never get to be.  Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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