There were times when I was attracted to someone and wanted to know them better, but once I got the chance to get to know them on a deeper level, I started to feel like they were not the person I expected them to be. They were different people than what I’d pictured in my head. In all honesty, when I got closer, they were not as attractive as they used to be. That was when I realized how dangerous it is to like the idea of someone as opposed to liking someone for who they really are. I got trapped by my own projection of them and expected them to be exactly what I wanted. But sometimes, someone may be a person we want but not the person we need.
Most of the time, we are blinded by attraction and forget about compatibility. We ignore their red flags, wishing we could change them later. We crave their attention to complete the puzzle in our head. We expect them to say or do certain actions to validate our insecurity. We are not falling for them, we are falling for the idea we have on them. We picture them as the perfect person by seeing their life from the outside, when in reality, their personality just does not match ours—their persona does not thirst our emotional desire. But instead of letting them go, how often do we neglect the incompatibility that arises and busily search for another substitute to make our false desire become true?
Perhaps we need to stop forcing the false desire we have and start looking for what’s there in reality. Does the feeling even seem real? Do they make you feel something more than a temporary excitement?
By knowing what is going on in our heart, we can start evaluating our feelings and emotions. We can become more aware of the feeling towards the person we are attracted to. We Can become more cautious about opening our hearts to someone. Attraction is a natural phenomenon that leads to a temporary excitement to make what is in our head parallel with what’s going on in reality. Once we know that it is just our desire, we can control the attraction by searching for what’s more important than just a temporary feeling, and the answer is the emotional connection.
When we connect to someone on the emotional level, our soul is matched with their soul. We are not blinded by the idea of them, and we desire to know them for who they really are. We embrace their character, perspective, way of thinking, and behavior. We are attracted to what’s beneath the surface level.
I hope next time you fall for someone, you find the emotional connection you are looking for and identify clearly that it is more than just your own idea of them.