Rock bottom is a lonely place. If you have been there you know what I am talking about. It can be one, or a series of tragic life events, that brings you there. What is rock bottom? I guess it’s different for everyone. I see it as a deep black hole that you can’t climb out of. You are sitting on the bottom of it and you are wondering how you are ever going to get the f*** out of there.
Until eventually, after a lot of time passed by, you find enough strength to grab onto the walls and slowly climb towards the light. Some are lucky and they have someone throwing in a ladder that meets them halfway from above. But having a ladder hanging there doesn’t even mean you can grab it. It’s still on you to invest the effort to grab it and climb upwards. Even if you do the impossible and you make it out of that hole at some point, you will never forget the feeling of being there. It’s unique and not even the most compassionate people will ever be able to imagine how hitting rock bottom feels like unless they have been there themselves.
That’s the reason why it’s not only lonely down there but it also doesn’t get much better once you’re out of there. When nobody understands you… that’s the loneliest feeling in the world.
But here comes the paradox. Once you are slowly getting back to normal life you are longing for human touch as much as someone longing for water when being lost in the desert. It’s a human need, a need as basic as drinking, eating and sleeping. We need to feel close to people. But you can’t quite manage going there because the impact of what you have experienced is too strong. So the most natural thing in the world happens. You start thinking what if I’d find someone who knows the feeling. What if I’d find someone who has sat in a similar black hole like mine. Someone who knows how much strength it cost me to get out of there and that I am still standing on the edge ready to trip and fall back down anytime. That it’s present all the time and that I just need a little push and I am back down right where I was. That person could understand. And isn’t that all we want? Understanding?
But that’s where you’re wrong. Because two broken people don’t make one whole. Healing is a long process that needs love, time, understanding and most of all, patience. Most likely you won’t be able to jump into a love after you have only been relying on yourself for such a long time.
As a self-defense mechanism, you built up walls around you so high, nobody can look in. There is only a tiny peek hole in the middle. If you’re really lucky you will find someone who takes a little look through this peek hole and is so amazed by what he is seeing that he invests the effort to tear your walls down. Someone who gives all their love without wanting anything in return. Someone so patient that even after you are saying that you’re not quite ready yet, sticks with you. Someone who knows that one day you will get there.
And I can tell you, you will. One day you will get to the point of acceptance. You will never forget the feeling of rock bottom nor should you want to. But you will get to the point of acceptance of what happened. And after all, the sun will shine so much brighter after being in the dark for such a long time.
Only a whole person will take you there. It doesn’t have to be someone who has never had to deal with difficulties in life. But someone who has gotten through them, someone who sees the positivity in life, someone who knows what its worth fighting for. Someone brave enough for taking a closer look. Someone who doesn’t have commitment issues because they know who they are, what they want and when it’s worth taking a risk. Someone whole.
When the day comes that you are at the point of being able to accept their love and even give yours in return it’s going to be the start of a beautiful love story that will show you that life has both sides. You know how rock bottom feels like but you will also find out how flying sky-high feels. Isn’t it beautiful what one special human soul can do?