You Broke Me, But I Let You

I opened up to you.
I changed a lot for you.
I gave you a lot of me.

You broke me down.
You made me feel small so many times.
You made me feel guilty for your mistakes.
You made me feel like I could never do better than you.
You wanted to mold me into you.
You wanted me to be just like you.
Our differences scared you.
It scared you into breaking me down.

I hung on to you because you broke me.
You built me up in the beginning and then completely broke me.

You exposed my weaknesses.
You tore down my walls.
I have nobody to blame but myself for being weak.
I have nobody to blame but myself for not loving my own self.
Nobody to blame for not trusting in my own self.
Voices in my head would talk.
They would tell me this isn’t right.
I didn’t listen.
I chose to listen to you instead.
Your voice overtook mine in my head.
It’s still there.
I still feel guilty.
Eliminating it seems to be the hardest part.

Mistakes are made to learn from.
They hurt.
They hurt me.
You hurt me more than anyone ever has.
You say I did the same to you.
We are toxic.

I love you so much.
I wish the universe was on our side.
She knew this would not work.
I knew it too but I ignored my mind.
I ignored what’s best for me.

All the wrong you did, you never owned up to it.
I was always guilty.
I was always ashamed.
You didn’t have that in you.
You blamed it all on me.

But even with all that,
I still love you.
I wish the best for you.
I want to thank you and make you feel happy.
Doesn’t matter how much wrong you did to me.

I know that’s true love.
I can’t be angry at you.
That’s the problem.
I love you too much for my own good.

But then do I really?
Am I just wrapped up in the idea of it all.
I can’t tell.
Confused mindset is making me feel numb.
I don’t feel my own body.

I must learn and grow.
This time is harder than I’ve ever experienced.
I’ll be okay.
Everything will be alright.
Life always goes on.
The relationship that died, died for a reason.
I wasn’t happy.
I just remember, I wasn’t happy.
I haven’t been happy in a long time.
I haven’t been myself in a long time.