Oh no, you just found out he cheated! It’s like a sucker punch to the gut and all the blood just drained from your face. You’re devastated. You’re angry. You’re embarrassed. You’re confused. And as those emotions kick you around, shame envelops you.
How could this have happened?
Research tells us that at least 40 percent of men cheat on their partners. You’re thinking, “Why me?”
It turns out, you may have made it EASY for your man to betray you. Am I blaming his bad behavior on you? No. Of course, he makes his own choices and is responsible for the outfall of those choices. But if any of the following apply to you and your relationship, the path to cheating was pretty well set down for him:
1. You allowed him to cheat on someone else to be with you
Really? What kind of stand up guy did you think you were getting when you fell for his charm? A man of integrity gets his affairs (no pun intended) in order before he moves on to his next conquest. And, a woman with integrity would have demanded that he is 100 percent available before hooking up with him.
Since he didn’t delay his gratification before being with you, then he won’t delay his gratification when the next little hottie comes along. But, you think you’re different, right? What did he say to convince you of that? Let me guess, stuff like:
- I never met anyone like you.
- She doesn’t understand me like you do.
- She and I are just living like friends; we haven’t had sex in forever.
- She’s such a nag.
- All she does is bitch!
Did he confide in you all that was wrong in his current relationship, but never addressed his dissatisfaction with his actual partner in healthy and honorable way? Chicken shit! That’s what you get when you choose a cheater!
You can increase your odds for fidelity if you’re a woman of integrity. Never, ever choose a man who is in relationship with another woman. A man of integrity completes the relationship he’s in before starting a new one with you.
I know you’re hot for each other, but good God! Have some respect and set yourself up for success with a standup guy. Hey, maybe he was hurting in his relationship, but cowardice is weakness. Maybe you want a weak man — if you do, go for it. But when he cheats, remember … I told you so!
What do you think he’ll do when the two of you drift apart, even a little bit? Sure, you could get a little paranoid now and check his phone to see who he’s calling, but that will lead right into the next thing you do that makes him cheat.
2. You’re incredibly insecure
Insecurities are NOT sexy or attractive! Under every insecure woman is a confident, strong, mature woman, who any man would commit to.
One of my clients needed constant reassurance that she was beautiful, sexy, wanted, and loved. Appeasing her insecurity became an obligation to every man she invited into her bedroom.
After working with me for 3 months, she revealed her true essence to herself and others — now she’s a confident, mature, fun-loving woman who attracts high quality men who would never cheat on her. Ever!
Even the best of men can’t hang with an insecure woman for too long — unless of course he’s even more insecure than her, and that doesn’t sound fun (or healthy), does it? So, it’s time for a confidence and self-esteem checkup. There are a lot of good coaches that can help boost your confidence and kick your self-esteem up a notch or two.
Remember: A confident woman is irresistible to good men, and I haven’t met anyone who wouldn’t benefit from a little boost in confidence.
3. You never show your appreciation for him
Do you remember when you first met your man and you appreciated all the little things he did? (Like holding your hand when you crossed the street. Or, opening the car door for you?)
You showed your appreciation with a flash of your eye, a squeeze of his hand … or, maybe even a blow job on the way home in the car.
His thoughtful gestures toward you will likely cease when you stop showing your appreciation for him. No one likes being taken for granted.
How do you know you’ve reached that point? When you hear yourself demanding, whining, sulking, or otherwise arguing about why he’s no longer doing it. Even if he starts back up at this point, it’s only because you made him feel obligated.
Good men feel compelled to give themselves to women, and as you deepen your relationship, your guy will automatically sacrifice for you in ways that neither of your will fully comprehend. But if you aren’t aware of his sacrifices and fail to show him how much you appreciate him, then you’re set for the cheat.
When your guy feels that he MUST take the garbage out to satisfy you, then you’ve lost him. He then becomes vulnerable to every pretty thing that smiles his way and shows him an ounce of appreciation when he casually (and innocently) offers a gesture of kindness.
Then BAM…. Or, should I say, “Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma’am!” (If you know what I mean…)
Want to increase your odds for fidelity? Show your appreciation on a regular basis. Do so by maintaining eye contact with him, smile at him, and say “thank you.” If you do all of that and follow it with a blow job, then you’re really back on track!
In closing, I believe in 100 percent self-responsibility. So, yes, the truth is — it’s never ‘your fault’ if someone cheats on you! But, you may need to up-level your game to attract the kind of man who would never cheat.
This post originally appeared at YourTango.