The difference between me and some is that, I’m aware of my feelings, and I know what to do with them.
God said that we should guard our heart, for it determines the course of our lives (Proverbs 4:3). And it’s true; we should deeply engrave it in us, to protect our hearts. Once, I told myself that, “Just this time, I’ll let my heart make the decision. Just this time, for my own happiness’ sake.” That time, is the time I started destroying myself.
I thought that love is a feeling, it’s magic! The butterflies in my stomach felt so great, and I felt so complete, to be loved by someone. I thought I fell in love, for the first time, so I assumed that it is God’s will. I made my own “God’s will”. I placed my faith in my hands. Why not? The person is not rude, he’s a gentleman. He’s a Christian, he led people to God, he served in the church consistently, he’s almost-perfect in my own eyes. That I failed to see through God’s perspective.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief. Sometimes, we think that we are right, but we’ll fail. When I was a kid, I swore to God that I’ll love and serve Him for the in life rest of my life, and I broke that promise. I placed someone on His throne, I placed myself. If I’ll have a regret, it’s that I depended on my feelings. Funny thing, when I entered the relationship, I know in myself that everything will go wrong. I even told God that “I will accept the pain in the future, because I’m feeling happy now.” But I was unable to. The God that I left behind was also the only one who was able to revive me.
Why should we guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:3)? Because, the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? Jeremiah 17:9. My heart failed me once, and I’m not open for a repeat. So, I guard it, I don’t depend on it anymore. I place it on God’s feet. “Heart, beat only for God.”
I learned the hard way, and for the sake of my beloved girls, I write this, and also to the people who wanted to feel love from others. So that, you’ll be able to distinguish what really is love, and what is not.
My dad always told me, that love is not a feeling, it’s a decision. Feelings make you fall, love will raise you up. Feelings will push us to rush things, and cause destruction. Love teaches us to be patient, and wait for God’s timing. Feelings depends on the hypothalamus, a small part of the brain. Love, depends on the Spirit of God, in His wisdom. Because we can’t make a wise decision without God’s wisdom.
Actually, feelings do change. God don’t. What caused me pain, when I realized my wrongs, was not that I failed, and I was hurt, it is that, I thought I loved God so much, but still, I was able to trade Him for someone else. Now that He has already mended me, I, again, swore to be His servant. And this time, I won’t let my heart enslave me again. For the love this world offers, is nothing compared to His love.