I Am Not A Cool Girl And Probably Never Will Be

“Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.” – Gillian Flynn
Flickr / Jennifer
Flickr / Jennifer

I am not a “cool girl” and no matter how hard I try to be it will never be who I am. I am intense, I am passionate and I am emotional. I am socially awkward, I am earnest and I am vulnerable. I get upset, I get angry, I get anxious and I get jealous. I am neurotic, I can be insecure and I over think EVERY SINGLE THING.

I live my life constantly in the pursuit of perfection – the fact that perfection is unattainable doesn’t matter to me, for greatness is attainable and I believe that the harder I push for perfection the closer I get to greatness. I demand more from everyone because I see great potential and I only want what’s best for myself and those who are a part of my life.

No, I am not the “cool girl,” in fact I am pretty much the antithesis of what every man says he wants. I can be a little bit crazy and a little bit bitchy. I am a closeted romantic. I am incapable of random hook-ups and I hate the idea of casual sex. I am incapable of being in a mediocre, passionless or stagnant relationship. I will not bury my emotions and pretend to be something/someone that I am not.

I will not pretend that I don’t like you when I do, that I don’t miss you when I do, that I don’t want more from you when I do. I will text you when I feel like it, ask you hard questions that I need answers to, I will not quietly sit and watch you waste your life away and most of all I will not blindly agree with everything you say.

No, I am not a “cool girl,” and whilst I might not possess the pedestal level of “chill” or indifference that is viewed as desirable, I can promise you that no one will love you as deeply, no one will believe in you as much, will encourage you as much, will push you as hard nor will stand by you as long. I might not be a “cool girl” but I am filled with passion and purpose. I am detailed and I am nuanced. I am smart, I am ambitious, I am creative and I am opinionated.

I am intense, I am unpredictable and I can be very entertaining. I have goals, I have dreams and I have a life of my own and I value them just as much as (perhaps even more than) I do any romantic relationship. 

No I am not a “cool girl” – I’m just… me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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