You’ve planted this fear inside of me that I will never be okay.
That nobody will ever love me.
That there will always be someone who is better, who is more, and that I will always come second to them.
Do you have any idea how terrifying that is?
And I keep hanging onto you like you’re not the one who did this to me but you did. You planted this doubt inside of me and you watered it for so long, that now I don’t even know where the roots start or end. Now it’s just inside me, taking hold of everything that I am, controlling me from the inside out.
And for what?
Because in the end, it doesn’t matter if I was down for you 100%. It doesn’t matter if I gave you my all and put my own life on hold. It doesn’t matter what I did or what I said or what I feel because, in the end, I am nothing more than a girl who had the nerve to adore you.
In the end, I am left with nothing but that ever-growing flower of doubt inside of me that tells me that I am not enough.
I am not skinny enough.
I am not funny enough.
I am not smart enough.
I am not interesting enough.
I am just bland and boring and basic.
I am nothing more than your average Joe or your plain Jane.
I am not desirable. I am not girlfriend material. I am not anything more than damaged goods that showed up on your doorstep one rainy day.
You did this to me, there’s no denying that.
I am not afraid to speak my truth anymore.
I am not afraid to let you know the wrong that you’ve done.