The monster in my head has razor sharp teeth, paired with a tongue that drips poison with every word it speaks. The monster in my head has claws that are capable of tearing through human flesh and leaving marks on the backs of men who are too weak. The monster in my head has a twisted face, plastered with makeup and FaceTune effects, and that is exactly why she remains burrowed in the deepest parts of my mind, begging me to slice open my skin and bleed until my veins are empty.
I refuse to bleed any longer.
I believe that there is strength in telling your story, and that sometimes your story will reach the people who need to hear it the most. So instead of bottling up the mess that I call my life any longer, here’s what I’ve learned from dealing with the monster that has more likes than me.
It’s increasingly easy to find yourself caught up in social media these days, so much so that I feel pity for the generation that is growing up in a time where they know nothing but internet access and YouTubers. If you’re anything like me, the first thing you do in the morning is scroll through your newsfeed on Facebook, check your Snapchat, and/or scroll through Instagram. It’s all fun and games until you’re suddenly stood in front of a full-length mirror, wondering why you don’t look like the other people you follow online.
If you know what I’m referring to, you understand how painful and disgusting it feels to think negatively about yourself.
If you don’t know, I hope that you never have to find out.
Standing in front of a full-length mirror is like putting yourself on display in a museum. Except, in a museum, someone will refer to you as art. But it’s only you staring in the mirror, and you certainly don’t feel like art. You feel vulnerable, you feel sad, and sometimes you feel a little too squishy.
Whether you’re comparing your relationship status, your financial status, your lifestyle, or your looks, comparing yourself is like willingly attaching an IV bag of poison to your veins. At first, it may seem harmless, but over time you’ll start to feel the full effect.
Now, I’m not going to tell you that I have the cure-all to comparison. Quite frankly, I don’t believe that anyone does. I believe it’s a part of human nature, and an ugly downside of our culture’s technological advances.
But I can tell you that if you take things day by day, it gets easier.
If you keep track of the thoughts that invade your brain and make you feel negatively about yourself, it gets easier.
Once you learn the little triggers that set off the feeling of inadequacy, you’ll learn how to have control of them and how to put an end to them (almost completely).
It’s not a process that happens overnight, it’s taken me well over a year, and the same monster keeps knocking at the door of my thoughts now that it has been retriggered.
But overtime, you can overcome anything.
As will I.