Thought Catalog

Stuff Gamers Say

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“I just came in my pants,” types a 24-year-old man in his office, looking at a single screenshot he discovered by Googling the name of a game that he just learned by watching until the end of a brand new three-minute teaser trailer consisting of a vague symbol slowly materializing into view on a black background crusted with advertisements and publisher logo.

“F-ck this shit,” a 17-year-old types (less punctuation), after observing that the new title from a favored independent designer had been placed under a one-week ‘pay what you want’ sale and the (optional) suggested donation is $5.

A 26-year-old woman who is deeply unhappy in her relationship because she and her boyfriend currently have to live at his grandmother’s house while they both look for better jobs reads an article regarding policies designed to encourage more productive communication in social network games and posts a four and a half paragraph screed in which she decries “calling for censorship” and employs references to her amendment rights at least twice.

“w00t,” says the office ‘cool guy’, who likes to wear his plaid fedora on the group coffee outings while he explains joyfully to everyone about all the circa 2007 bands in which he is interested.

“Time to crate,” a sterile voice echoes in the dark presentation room, during which a video slightly resembling a 1990s first-person shooter is shown. No one will Google the reference.

“If women do not want special treatment perhaps they should not post pictures of themselves online,” a 350-pound man with a StarCraft t-shirt who is known as ‘TheSage’ on his forum site types sternly into the laptop he keeps behind the counter at his print shop job.

“ASFAFSHDADAD PLZ PLEASE PLZ OMFFGGGGGGGGGG” Tweets a fully-literate 30-year-old woman who has just read someone else’s tweets related to the possibility of the game ‘Persona 5’ being announced within the next few months.

“Well, well, well. The world is changed again,” reads a vague Google+ post from a low-level games blogger who wants to express that he is interested in the fact that others several games bloggers have announced new jobs this week.

“Despite the misogyny, sh-t humor and the fact I disagree with nearly all of his views, I’m going to start a forum thread to debate this minor blog celebrity’s status on our forums,” writes an unusually precocious 14-year-old who has run home from school after having his internet privileges reinstated following a month of being grounded.

“I can’t get my heart broken again. I just can’t,” is all that is typed by a 20-year-old cosplay enthusiast and aspiring games blogger ­after she has parsed a vague statement related to future ‘Final Fantasy’ games from a larger business article about the financial conditions of publisher Square Enix.

“I did not read the article in question, but it makes me upset after all I have suffered,” explains a 33-year-old Australian father of two ­who then proceeds to explain in detail what his mother’s struggle with cancer has to do with ‘Battlefield 2’ in the comments of an article about ‘Call of Duty’ developer Treyarch.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFU,” writes a 27-year-old medical student in an email to Sega’s community management upon learning that the next downloadable ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ game will have Sonic’s friends in it as playable characters.

“Had enough of you candy ass sh-ts. Buy my game or not, I don’t really care. My family has been through so much as I have struggled to produce the coolest, most bad-ass, radical over-the-top experience that my blood, sweat and tears could bring you and maybe you don’t like my attitude or something but it doesn’t mean you have to sh-t your diapers over one low-res texture. ONE,” writes a man who has spent his life evolving from a very passionate gamer to the chief creative officer of a troubled mid-size game development studio which is about to release a highly-anticipated second title with a controversial business model that really needs to sell well.

“Now, I usually avoid getting political, but if you like this game you are gay, sir.” A person on a subscription gamer forum who has drawn his own avatar (also used on his DeviantArt page) and who has an elaborate but inscrutable ‘signature banner’.

“I sent my resume everywhere with my portfolio and I really feel like if I get this job I can change the world. My ideas on gaming are something that I like to think mayhaps are a bit unusual with the potential to possibly revitalize the spirit of why we all love this wonderful thing, video games.” A midwesterner who has dropped out of college in order to apply for a quality assurance job at a mid-level West Coast publisher-owned studio.

“Stop making a big deal out of it, it’s just video games,” reply several people in response to basically anything that has generated a passionate 200-plus comment discussion in which people are honestly expressing their feelings. TC mark

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    • http://twitter.com/ADRuhl Adam Ruhl

      thanks

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

      The idea was cool. The execution was disappointing.

    • Marco Gutierrez

      Well at least this article doesn’t require myself to purchase a new pair of pants.

    • http://www.facebook.com/djfrozone Brian Frozone Smith

      that was great!

    • Rishtopher

      To be fair, I’m just as enthusiastic as Persona 5.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

        Oh god me too it’s going to be so good.

    • http://twitter.com/AlexDeGruven Nathan

      I love this. I saw each of them as a rage comic in my head while reading, as well.

      So much truth in one short article.

    • Anonymous

      probably would’ve been better off with a link to reddit instead of all these words

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      ‘BOOM HEADSHOT’

      • http://twitter.com/butchproblems Jess

        Ha. Yes.

    • Robbie

      Lovely

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VYDVROKY4PUBOKUHB3QF42FH2Y Paul S

      Saying “gamer” in this day and age is almost like saying “TV watcher” or “reader”.  Be it solitaire, farmville or Skyrim, a great majority of people play videogmes pretty regularly these days.

      • guest

        how many of them actually consider or call themselves gamers, though?

        • G@M3R G1R7 0R |3O7

          A gamer calling themselves a gamer is like a reader calling themselves a reader… It just sounds stupid…

          Only 12 year olds call them selves “gamers”, I mean really come on nowwwwwwwwwwwww

    • http://unthoughtfulthoughts.wordpress.com/ Samurai

      “I used to have a life, then I took an arrow to the knee”

    • nerdy pantz

      What about all the posts written about games that begin with “Trigger warning:”

    • http://twitter.com/TheJoker138 Gabriel Coleman

      “Bobby Kotick paid three hundred and fifty million dollars out of his own pocket to rent the staples center! *boobs fall out of shirt on the internet*”

      That’s a pretty funny thing a gamer said once.

    • Fantasy_gamer59

      ‘“ASFAFSHDADAD PLZ PLEASE PLZ OMFFGGGGGGGGGG” Tweets a fully-literate 30-year-old woman…’

      Was that you Leigh? :P

      • Leigh

        yup. i generally dislike mocking anyone unless i include myself. 

        • Anonymous

          Not that it was difficult, but… CALLED IT!

    • Vileta

      Last one… My perennial favorite.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fred-Zeleny/611651143 Fred Zeleny

      Beautiful. Horrible. All too true.

    • Mc.kitten

      Idea was cool. That comment was disapointing.

    • http://twitter.com/butchproblems Jess

      F*cking genius. Although I anticipated at least one reference to WoW…. 
      i.e. “Ding!” I lvl’d my 85 Nelf Druid in 3 days bc I have a RAF acct

    • http://www.facebook.com/ccontinisio Ciro Continisio

      Nice picture.
      (I mean, the article depicts a nice picture)

    • Guest

      Stereotyping gamers is always fun. It’s even more fun than stereotyping hipsters. I hate the gaming culture, and I’m a games programmer. But then again, drug dealers should never use their own product.

      P.S. If you are an aspiring games designer, your ideas are not sacred. If you want to work in QA (where I work part time once a week), be prepared to hate gaming and the games culture forever.

      Regards

      A student completing his major in Games Programming.
       

    • Bobby

      “ASFAFSHDADAD PLZ PLEASE PLZ OMFFGGGGGGGGGG” Tweets a fully-literate 30-year-old woman who has just read someone else’s tweets related to the possibility of the game ‘Persona 5’ being announced within the next few months.I learned about this from this article and made a similar noise.

    • James C.

      This story makes me so sad.

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