1. Your Mother
She thinks she is being supportive when she says, “You are beautiful! If you can lose some more weight those guys will be lining up for you.” She is grinning so wide when she says this, you can tell “#1Mom!” is flashing in her brain. No mom, you’re depressing as shit. Why can’t you let me be one of those girls who think someone will love her for her no matter what size she is? Also, you’re only making me want to go overeat just to spite you.
2. Your Father
At first it seems really sweet that he is showing interest in your dating life. First he wants to know if you’ve told your best friend that you’re in love with him, and the answer once again disappoints. Then he wants to know if you’re going on a second date with that guy you met up with from Tinder last week. And then comes the “What about Michael*!” Oh yes, he has gone back to trying to convince you that the guy from high school who you barely talked to and who was headed for greatness could somehow re-appear in your life and swoop you off your feet- after all, he is already imagining him as the perfect son-in-law. And finally he says, “Why don’t any of the guys you meet like you back?” Well dad…this conversation has just been so helpful.
3. Your Best Friend
She has been by your side since boys in lower school were tripping you, and she knows about that time the random guy you met at a concert felt your boobs before asking you your name. Don’t forget about all of the times older men you happen to know tried to sleep with you and she had to convince you that was a very bad idea no matter how lonely you were at the time. But keeping track of the three different guys you are interested in one week and how you know them can get easily mixed up with the two guys you like the next week and why you’re never talking to the first three ever again! So it definitely sucks when your best friend is feeling just a bit overwhelmed by all of your stories and says, “Just get laid already! Stop having so many fucking feelings!”
4. Your Best Friend’s Significant Other
I am losing count of how many times my best friend’s boyfriends/fiancés say to me, “You are so pretty, and so smart! I don’t know why you’re still single!” This is flattering for a minute, tops. Excuse me while I go to a corner and cry.
5. The Best Friend You’re In Love With
You hate to even talk to him about your love life, and it’s excruciating when he tells you about his. You could never tell him how you really feel for fear of losing the most amazing friendship ever, and subsequently there are days when you become so sad over the fact that he is all you want and he just has no idea, and you just want to scream at him! So what do you do? You find ways to try and open him up to the idea of you being date worthy. And every time, his reply of “You are beautiful, compassionate, and have a great personality,” sends butterflies to your stomach. But then he continues with, “You’ll meet the one when you least expect it, don’t worry. Time for thirsty Thursday, TTYL!” Suddenly you feel like shit again. Absolute shit.
6. Your Professors
I once really liked this guy from my Philosophy class. We never talked but I had noticed how adorable and outgoing he was for weeks. After chatting with me one day before class he asked me out. We had an amazing time but the next class he was really awkward. My professor and I had become really close so I talked to her about it after class. She said, “You are such a sweet girl, I doubt you did anything wrong. You should know though that Luke* isn’t getting a really great grade in here. So if things don’t workout between you two, at least you know you escaped a dummy.” Yes, thank you! The academic standing of the guy I let myself completely fall for after just spending a few hours with him will totally change my mind! If only it were that simple.
7. Your Boss
“I need you to work Valentine’s Day, I assume that is okay since you don’t have a boyfriend, right? Some of the other girls would really love that night off.” Enough said.
You are your #1 critic. You over-analyze everything you do on your dates and you beat yourself up when guys don’t call you back. You constantly put yourself down for being single when really you should be embracing this time to yourself! Life is short, but you are young. Make the most of it!