There is no solace.
I always believe there was solace in repressing memories, solace in pushing away the dark of the past, solace in fooling yourself into thinking it didn’t happen…
I was wrong. I was very wrong. The ghosts of the past never flee one’s side, they all catch up.
I refer to that night as the “The Dark Night”. I’ve spent a lot of nights after that one to recover from it, to erase it, to pretend it never happened. No matter what I do, the night never leaves me.
This is the story of yet another girl, an account most will sympathise with or pity once they read. For those who understand, there may be a feeling of dread which too will pass. For me, there is no pass.
A typical night, in the streets of city, she’s hanging onto the arms of a man not knowing the danger he may pose. She thinks she knows him, but little did she really know him.
He urges her to come with him. She resists, he urges more. What now? It’s simple. Pour a little something in her drink and she’s all yours. He carries his prize to the nearest hotel to cash in on it. Her limbs have no strength, her head throbs, she is hazy and keeps blacking in and out. She knows something’s wrong. She knows it must stop but she can’t make it stop. Maybe words may help? They are from different worlds, they speak different languages, but surely there is a universal language, surely she can ask him to stop and he will understand, surely when she pushes him away and tells him she doesn’t want it he can process. He doesn’t. He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t process.
All he does is take. Take what isn’t his. He steals. He steals her naivety. He strips. He strips her of her virtue. Until she is all blood and tears. Until she passes out completely.
At the first dawn of the next morning, at the first movement, at the first stir, she wakes up and she knows. She was violated, and the man who performed this deed is next to her. Fear grips her, raw mind-numbing fear, she runs, runs as fast as she can to never look back. She leaves the hotel, she leaves the streets, she leaves him. She thinks of she can run far enough, she can run back in time. She feels if she runs fast enough, this won’t catch up with her.
She’s been running since, to keep from believing this happened, she’s been repressing it since to not have to deal with it. And one day she falls. Her world comes crashing down, the past on her ears and now she knows. She can’t run from this. She has to live with it. She has to get up knowing this will always stay.
Now she knows. Now she knows.