1. Get intimate with your wounds
In order for any emotional breakthrough to happen, you have to understand yourself. In order to progress in any way possible, you have to be aware of your own being. Dare to understand yourself like you would your very first love or your very best friend. Where are your most sensitive parts? What do you feel traumatized by? Where do you hurt? Where do you want to do better? These are all important questions to ask yourself. Understanding your wounds could mean going back to look at how your parents divorce affected you, or how your first heartbreak affected the way you trust and love, etc. We all have sensitive parts, and having wounds certainly only makes you human – it’s just your job to navigate and befriend that part of you.
2. Know what triggers you
Once you understand your soft spots, you’ll have a better idea of what may trigger them. For an example, I grew up in a really tense / domestically violent home. Therefor, anytime I hear someone yell or it appears they have a temper, I am very hypersensitive to that. Thus, making my responses to these situations come from a place of trauma and fear.
When we respond to the things that trigger us and touch our sensitive spots, often times we speak and act from a place that damages our relationships and does a poor job at really explaining how we are feeling.
3. Create a new way to respond
In order to preserve our relationships and really honor where we are at and what we are feeling, it’s crucial we respond in a way that serves a purpose and is beneficial to us. For an example, instead of responding to someone raising their voice, or reminding me of something that is sensitive to me in a negative way, I can mindfully and actively create boundaries and communicate my needs in a way that will actually get them met.
Having self-sabotaging tendencies makes it really hard to live a wholehearted life. It’s important that we learn to take the fear out of our lives and understand what triggers us so that we can move through any habits or beliefs that do not serve us.