1. It’s okay to run the dishwasher twice.
My neighbor told me this. If you’re exhausted and you can’t find it in you to scrub the spoon, if that’s what is adding to the heavy weight on your shoulders already, just run the damn dishwasher twice. Three times. Four. There are no rules. Do whatever will make you feel better.
2. Your body can never expand more than your heart—you will look more and more like yourself as time goes on.
It might be shocking to look in the mirror some days and see your body changing in ways you’ve never seen before, but remember that your heart will always expand faster than your hips. You have a forever love that’s bigger than any change you’ll ever see in the mirror.
3. It’s okay to ask for help.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It doesn’t mean you should be doing something differently. Even superheroes need help when saving the day. And that’s exactly what you’re doing day in and day out—saving the day.
4. You don’t have to explain yourself or your choices to anyone.
Name your kid whatever you want. Raise them however you want. Teach them whatever you want. Introduce them (or don’t) to whoever and whatever you want. Take everything people say with a grain of salt—this is YOUR experience.
5. Just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you’re alone—hang in there.
You have a little person who thinks the world of you, a person who literally thinks you are the whole entire world. You’ll feel less alone soon. Just wait until they start to sound just like you in every conversation you have with them. I know it’s hard right now.
6. The only people who make comments about your weight are people who have a toxic fear around theirs.
Please understand this. No secure person makes comments about weight to pregnant women or women that just had a baby. The only people who bring up weight to new moms are the people who have to deal with an immeasurable amount of shame, fear, or scarcity around something so small and petty. Just keep growing your tiny person, yourself, and the life you want for you guys.
7. Hold things loosely, because plans are always changing.
What’s best for you right now might not be what’s best for you in six months from now. Things are always changing, doors are always opening, life is always happening. Be open to everything that’s meant for you.
8. Things are not happening to you, they are unfolding for you (and your little family).
The job you lost, the friendships that disappointed you, the opportunity that didn’t work out, it’s all happening for you and for reasons you probably don’t know yet. Trust your plan.
9. Your child will never be as hard on you as you are on yourself.
You might beat yourself up about forgetting certain decorations, not taking enough pictures, or not having any extravagant plans for their first Christmas, but they have a whole different opinion of the day. It was full in ways for them that it wasn’t for you. Make the most of the little things, even if it feels like you’re not doing enough. You are, and they’ll remember it.
10. Your friends might be doing different things than you are, but you will have a forever companion when you eventually do those things too. And nothing beats that. Nothing.
You’re going to have a loyal designated driver first. Someone who is taller than you and has your back before you know it. Everyone has their own timeline, and yours will have a whole lot more time with your babies on it.
11. The way your child remembers things is not the same way that you personally experienced them.
You might have felt pain, pure exhaustion, and complete emptiness while swinging on that swing at the park with them, but all they remember is feeling giggly and jumping off that swing and into your arms. Your worst moments might sometimes be their best—don’t be so hard on yourself.
12. Your best is always better than you think.
Read that again. You’re doing better than you think.