Sometimes when you have close relationships with your parents, or even just codependent ones, it’s extremely difficult to transition into what being independent truly means as an adult. Sometimes we are so used to the way our caretaker /child relationship is that we don’t even feel, recognize, or see the signs of needing to create better boundaries.
Here are 12 signs that you may be in need of creating some boundaries with your parent as an adult.
1. They demand an unreasonable amount of your time. They might call you when they are bored, show up when they need something, or even sign you up for things you did not consent to beforehand.
2. You feel obligated and guilty to comply with what they demand or need. You will put whatever you’re doing aside to help them even if you didn’t agree to it, or you hold some type of guilt and pressure if you cannot help.
3. You feel somewhat responsible for their wellness. You feel like you need to inquire more about their life than you share with them about yours. You take it upon yourself to make sure they are safe, happy, and healthy.
4. You feel the need to consult them before everything. Having open communication and close dialogue is something I really value, to an extent. However consulting your parent about trips you book, places you visit, things you buy, etc, is a different story.
5. There is a lack of privacy. Maybe your parent has your location and looks at it often, passwords, or even keys to each other houses.
6. You feel the need to be dishonest to avoid any judgement, guilt, or opinions—even though you are an adult.
7. There is financial codependency.
8. Sometimes you feel like you ARE the parent.
9. Your parents share too much detail about their life to you in a way that involves you more than what is appropriate or in your comfort zone.
10. They communicate with you as if they are your friend or sibling rather than your parent. Maybe they try to one-up you and compete with you, maybe they try to argue as if you owe them something, etc.
11. You feel resentment towards them and aren’t entirely sure why.
12. You find yourself needing more space from them or you find yourself really energy depleted after being around them or doing something for them.