My Life Changed When I Surrendered To It

person holding flower vase
Nicole Harrington / Unsplash

I surrender. 

I no longer am forcing things, putting in effort solely on one way streets, or doing everything in my power to control the inevitable.

I surrender.

I surrender to all of the people I’ve lost, all the ones who have lost me, and the ones that just can’t find their way.

I surrender.

I surrender to the lengths that I go to undermine my body, to pick it apart into tiny pieces just so that I cannot recognize myself.

I surrender.

I surrender to trying to paint myself into someone that I’m not; I surrender to trying to mold my being into shapes I am clearly too big to be.

And quite frankly, I refuse to feel sorry for taking up space anymore.

I surrender to the path I am meant to be on, with the people I am supposed to be on it with, doing things that I am truly supposed to be doing.

I surrender to my plan. To my fear. To the war I’ve been submerged in with myself for well over twenty years.

I surrender to my rejection, to my vulnerability, to my anxiety.

I surrender to it all, every last thing.

The truth is when you surrender, you become. When you surrender you become something much more you.

When you surrender you stop convincing yourself that things should be different, that everything is not going according to plan.

When you surrender you stop fantasizing about somewhere else and you create beauty where you are. Heck, you realize where you are already is beautiful.

When you welcome surrendering, you welcome peace. When you refuse to be at war with yourself and your life, you can actually start to live it.

I want to live here, peacefully. I want to be fluid, in constant movement. I want to let gratitude turn what I have into enough. I want to let go. I want to surrender and just be. TC mark

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