Beyonce and Nicki Minaj helped me realize what my biggest relationship issue is: I’m too damn passive aggressive for my own good. Assertive women always win. No matter how much men claim to fear them or find them intimidating, they’re usually happier because they stand their ground at all times. Men can’t play with women who stand their ground, trust me. Assertiveness is a quality I lack when it comes to relationships because I don’t want to come off as needy or desperate. I suppose the trick to successfully being assertive is in the delivery of the message, not so much the message itself.
They demand respect
Respect is an important thing to have in a relationship, and assertive women know this all too well. A man won’t see you for the queen you are unless you treat yourself as one. Assertive women don’t want anyone to fuck with their time and space. No matter how much that man means to her, if he’s late for a date, she won’t stick around waiting for him to eventually show up and grace her with his presence. No! An assertive woman will wait for him to update her on his ETA, and if he doesn’t show up without explanation after 10 minutes, she will quietly leave until she hears from him again. I’ve learned that, through being passive aggressive with my frustrations around disrespect, a man won’t take you seriously if you don’t. He has to be made aware that you’re not one to fuck with, and that being around you is a blessing. Women who are “too sweet” tend to be toyed with by men most of the time all because they won’t stand up for themselves when they need to.
They know what they want
Knowing what you want is critical to sustaining a healthy relationship, especially nowadays. Women don’t necessarily have to have a checklist of the qualities their ideal man should have, but it helps to base the qualities of one’s ideal man on certain values and principles one standby. What I mean by this is that it’s vital to list (and seek) realistic qualities in a partner that ensure growth (personally and emotionally). Having a clear and realistic “Ideal Man Checklist” helps one stand firm in their decisions and more confident in the people they choose. Confidence is everything when it comes to choosing an ideal partner because it’s easier to have an end goal in mind without the possibility of misunderstandings and disappointment.
They’re brilliant at communication
One of the things I have learned from listening to music by some of the sassiest women in the industry is that the message they want to communicate in their music is clear, especially in breakup songs. Nothing else makes a woman more successful in relationships than clear communication. Assertive women know how to express themselves and when they do, mountains move and things get done. Fear of expression because one doesn’t want to come off as needy or desperate silences the frustrated one. Mad at him for forgetting a date? Tell him when you get home! Mad at him for not being consistent in his pursuit of you? Tell him! The silent treatment gives him space to ghost on you, and not addressing your frustrations is a great way to build resentment towards your partner. Talk more, and watch him change. I guarantee you that this is foolproof.
They show love only when it is reciprocated
As a woman, chasing after your man pushes him away even further. This might be a controversial thing to mention, but relationships are usually better when the man is more in love than the woman. Notice how men tend to act imprisoned or suffocated when a woman shows love more than he does. Those who cheat will turn to women who are seemingly emotionally attached and don’t care about how the partner will feel about the affair. I want to believe assertive women are capable of loving others and showing that love too. However, I don’t believe they are overbearing when it comes to their acts of love. They allow the man to make romantic gestures, plan dates and steer the relationship to the desired end-goal. Once all that stops or changes for the worst, they speak up about it once and if nothing changes, they leave. This is a serious act of self-love, and no one else can teach your partner how to love you than you.
I’m about to leave Starbucks in a bit, and I have to plan how I’ll speak to my date about standing me up today (although it’s not too bad a thing because he’s given me time to write). I plan on channeling my inner Beyonce and let him know exactly why I might not give him another chance to spend time with me again. He might have a good reason for not showing up, but the least he could have done was communicate that with me instead of giving me all this time to blog. That’s just rude.
Until then, remember that you’ve been blessed with a voice to express yourself with and two feet to stand your ground with. Don’t end up alone because you won’t stand up for yourself, that kind of regret is not pretty to live with.