I have been through a lot of heartbreaks. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, probably the dumbest too. I wear my heart on my sleeve and have always hated the idea of playing games. I have been warned, both by friends and family, to always keep watch of myself and not carelessly give my heart away. I should never be the first one to admit feelings or it will be a lost cause. Sadly though, I am a go-getter (Sorry mom!).
I have heard thousands and thousands of beautiful words, given countless promises, offered everything a girl could ever dream of and ask for, only to see them get ripped apart right in front of my face.
“I told you so”. That remark never misses to echo in my ear. I know, they warned me before but I am too stubborn to listen. So what happens next is this:
I get hurt.
I cry myself to sleep.
I scream inside.
I lose myself.
I pick myself up.
I live life (again).
That practically sums up how I cycle through my failed relationships. I learn, I think, and I feel much more than an average person. I trust and accept everything at face value, no doubt, no second thoughts. And I do not need you to tell me because I know quite well, it is damn stupid.
BUT THIS IS ME.
Yes. I have been hurt. I hated myself for believing and falling for the things they say. But at the same time, I learned to appreciate and love me for it. I know what I want. I know what I will settle for. I know when to get out and call it quits. I know if it is worth it. And when I do, I make sure to give my best and do all it takes to work things out.
Maybe they left because I am not good enough for them, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not skinny enough, or they simply got bored of me.
And I do not give a shit about it. The last thing I would ever want to happen is see myself change to fit in some other people’s standard. I am proud of myself. I love myself. I respect myself enough to not put up with all the crap people throw at me. I prefer reality over wishful thinking; hard truth over false pretenses. I would rather be real than pretend to be someone I am not. Perhaps this makes me appear vulnerable, reckless, or even stupid. I could not care less.
I do not want your well crafted promises. I do not need your sugarcoated words. I only want your honest, conscious decision to commit and act upon it.
I want no prince charming; I want a partner.