Shit, it really does hurt to fight with the love of your life.
However, the opposite of love is apathy. Therefore, behind anger resides a feeling or feelings of sadness, hurt, and/or fear. Anger is easier to feel and more available to us yet anger is change trying to happen.
It’s important to realize that behind those fights is love.
Although try to keep in mind to avoid “always” and “never” statements as it creates defensiveness. In a good relationship, there is no criticism, shame, or blame. Remember that the most important attribute for longevity in a relationship is patience and that a measure of a good relationship is not just how well you get along, but how well you can resolve your differences.
After a very big fight, my boyfriend acted as the better man and said to me, “I love you and I’m in love with you. Don’t worry, because ultimately, it is love that just surrounds us. Even when the actions of our relationship might not be felt as loving, such as the words we said to each other today, the love that is in me, enables me to keep growing, and ultimately, will allow me to love you even greater and even stronger. My love for you is greater than myself so I will let it do the talking through actions now.” And then he went and walked to buy me a dozen beautiful roses.
The importance of discussions in a committed relationship is integral. It’s absolutely necessary to know how to talk and listen effectively about your partner’s emotions. Emotional expression is not a sign of weakness but be careful not to exaggerate your feelings.
Being in love and loving someone are two very different things. When you’re in love, you feel sometimes as if you’re inextricably tied. That it’s not about right or wrong, or as if you possess any sort of choice at all.
Love can only be given as a gift, never forced or demanded.
It is important to note that by truly understanding your partner, you will tend to take their idiosyncrasies less personally.
Who are they to you and who are you to the other person? The answer always becomes, everything. Because nothing means anything if you can’t be together; you can’t wrap your mind around living without him/her and you could never face it. It’s not a possible concept; you’d simply wait (forever).
Being in love with someone means that you can be yourself without any fear or worries because the love for your significant other will always shine through.
Moreover, when you are in love you see the future. You want what currently exists as well as what your love can become based on reinforcing your love and making it stronger. This is because, while in love, your actions will be superseded by the love itself, which is stronger than any other fleeting thoughts or actions.
The question is if there is a deep mythology rooted in your bond. The dark side is the tough question: what are you getting out of the relationship and is it enough on a tangible level to be good for both of you?
The truth is that sometimes emotions don’t know the passing of time. Happiness is not a goal because it is so fleeting. Peace of mind is a goal that can last.
It’s finding that peace of mind within your relationship that is absolutely integral.
To do so, remember that it is a conscious decision every day to love your partner and see the best in them. If you’re in love then know that fate is on your side and never forget that you have the capacity to love unconditionally.
“She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.”
—J. D. Salinger, “A Girl I Knew”