It’s not the loss of property that makes the trauma of divorce hurt so badly. It’s often the emotional havoc it inflicts. For instance, fear of loneliness, the dread of starting a new life as well as uncertainty for the future.
When your marriage washes away in the waters of divorce, it can be extremely painful to get over the trauma. Emotional support can help you find your peace and joy again. But you also need to make several changes.
1. Change your email and phone number.
As you work on healing yourself, you need to protect yourself like a delicate flower. Changing your phone number and email is one way to shield yourself from the pain, the trauma, and the upsetting memories.
It’s also a very powerful way of cutting the mental cord. You should do your absolute best to step away from any reminders and signs of your ex.
In any case, if the divorce is a done deal, it makes no sense to be reading messages and emails from your ex. These will do nothing for you.
Except, of course, evoke emotions and leave you feeling like crap. Steer clear of the negativity. Delete, delete, and delete. Block and report.
Sounds harsh I know.
But when you block their access, you are essentially erecting a wall to protect yourself from the pain of heartbreak — as you should.
You are also giving yourself space to heal. As well as abdicating yourself from the vulnerability that comes when your emotions are stirred. It’s obvious that without the back and forth of an emotional roller coaster, you stand better chances of healing, much faster. Because let’s face it, it’s far much easier to get back on your feet when nothing is pulling you down.
2. Lose yourself in a good book.
Or a TV show. Or yoga. Or dance lessons. Or cooking classes. Whatever. Just find something you enjoy doing. And then lose yourself in it. Do whatever it takes to get out of your head.
As you channel your mind into something you truly enjoy, you interact with people who don’t judge you or remind you of the pain you are going through. When you are out to have a good time, you realize that the heaviness starts to wear off. This is your fast step towards healing.
You can also invest in books, podcasts, and information that illustrate the best ways of healing. It’s important to constantly remind yourself that if many have crossed the rubicon of a divorce, so can you.
3. Hang around happily married people.
Hanging around happily married people while going through a divorce might sound counterproductive right? I know.
But, it’s actually quite the opposite. Why? Because happy marriages mean that something is working well. And isn’t that what you want? What we all want? Sure you may never want to dip your feet in the waters of marriage ever again. But here’s why hanging around married people is a good thing.
You see, the overarching truth behind a happy marriage is a happy individual. And of course, a happy marriage takes two happy individuals.
So. It helps to hang around them because as their character rubs off on you, it enriches yours as well.
Also, in case you are contemplating on re-marrying in the future, you definitely need to define what a good marriage looks like to you. You need to ask questions such as; Which elements make a marriage last? What’s the foundation of a happy marriage? What attitudes foster a successful union?
And you can only learn this by observing happily married people. Because success always leaves tracks. Besides, it’s far much easier to know what you don’t want when you know what you want.
4. Embrace the good things in your life.
A divorce can feel as if hell has broken loose in your life. It is very easy to allow this event to eclipse your entire life.
The best antidote for this is to count the many good things still present in your life. As you begin to take stock, you’ll realize that you have so much to be grateful for. Let see… good health, food, a roof over your head, a career, and the priceless gift of family and friends.
The reality is, no matter how devastating your divorce is, you’ll always have people in your corner. Friends or family members who then become your support system. You can lean on them as you pull yourself up.
5. Pray and meditate.
Your loved ones can assist you to get over your divorce. They might even throw parties and shower you with gifts.
But the truth is, there’s a certain degree of emotional healing that can only happen in isolation. In the silence of your own company. Where it’s just you and God. If you are responsible for the breakdown of your marriage, through prayer and meditation you are able to forgive yourself.
This takes the burden of guilt from your shoulder.
Prayer still works even if you are the one who has been wronged. It helps you to let go and offer forgiveness. Prayer does you well by renewing your soul and giving you the strength you need to move on with life after a divorce.
It’s the channel through which your soul releases the trauma and breaks the emotional yoke.
Meditation helps you to reflect on your personal growth. It helps you bring to the surface qualities about yourself that would have otherwise been blurry. You are able to discern the positive lessons gained through your experience.
These lessons then become tools you can apply to future relationships.
“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” ― Jennifer Weiner
Just like Jennifer Weiner illustrates, a divorce isn’t a death sentence. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s a new lease on life. And whilst it might break you at first, you need to look at it for what it really is — positive disintegration.
It’s a process that breaks you down to make you better.
A divorce preps you for a better relationship, by helping you to re-invent yourself and rewrite your story. It brings you the clarity you need for your future relationship. It gives you a second chance to make a comeback in the game of love. This time, in a manner that truly makes you happy.