Stay away if he:
1. Wears cargos.
2. Hates Christmas.
3. Orders rosé at restaurants.
4. Takes you to restaurants he used to take his ex to.
5. Can’t cook.
6. Doesn’t floss.
7. Disrespects his mother.
8. Is rude to waiters.
9. Starts a sentence with: “Not all men…”
10. Doesn’t own a pair of dress shoes.
11. Doesn’t own a suit.
12. Doesn’t keep his sheets clean.
13. Owns one pillow.
14. Drinks Coors Banquet.
15. Doesn’t own more than two plates and two forks to eat with.
16. Has a dirty house.
17. Says he loves “being your friend” repeatedly.
18. Is a Raiders fan.
19. Hates cheese.
20. Says split boarding is his favorite winter activity.
21. Has rude friends.
22. Has nothing but marshmallows in his pantry.
23. Pronounces Chianti “chee-anti”.
24. Thinks Good Will Hunting is a bad movie.
25. Thinks it’s weird when you eat dinner alone.
26. Doesn’t know who Tolstoy is.
27. Cheats on Trivia Crack.
28. Criticizes you for going to the symphony.
29. Never asks you questions about yourself.
30. Matches with your friends on Tinder.
31. Is secretive about his past.
32. Has a tribal tattoo with no meaning.
33. Wears bedazzled jeans.
34. Doesn’t read.
35. Asks if you’re on your period anytime you’re upset.
36. Is physically repulsed by women
37. Believes reverse racism is a thing.
38. Is uncomfortable when you talk about your ambitions.
39. Tells you you’re not smart enough to do what you want to do.
40. Asks if you’re “really going to have that fourth breadstick”.
41. Thinks art is unimportant.
42. Flirts with the girl on the other side of him at a bar.
43. Tells you not to wear red lipstick.
44. Messes with your Netflix suggestions.
45. Won’t taste ethnic food.
46. Hates dogs.
47. Has dirty fingernails.
48. Doesn’t own a wine opener.
49. Makes you feel bad for hanging out with your friends without him.
50. Has a four-letter name.
51. Wears sweaters around his shoulders.
52. Owns more than three guns.
53. Shops at Zumiez.
54. Leaves the toilet seat up.
55. Leaves tiny hairs in the sink after shaving.
56. Doesn’t talk to you for three weeks at a time.
57. Calls you after three weeks wanting to talk.
58. Bails on talking to you.
59. Makes fun of your taste in music.
60. Makes fun of the way you dress.
61. Throws trash out his car window.
62. Wears Axe.
63. Breaks up with you because he thinks he can do better.
64. Gets back with you when he realizes he can’t.
65. Makes excuses for rapists.
66. Won’t watch The Notebook with you.
67. Thinks impoverished people are impoverished by their own fault.
68. Thinks humanitarian work is worthless.
69. Is afraid to travel.
70. Tells you that you shouldn’t travel alone.
71. Thinks he’s too good to watch Spongebob.
72. Goes through your underwear drawer.
73. Doesn’t use the correct you’re and your.
74. Tells you that you talk about your family too much.
75. Thinks Sasquatch is real.
76. Says he never gets sick because he’s “genetically superior”.
77. Thinks Obama’s birth certificate was forged.
78. Gets into arguments with total strangers on celebrity Instagrams.
79. Won’t take you out in the daytime.
80. Causes you more frustration than happiness.
81. Won’t let you borrow his hoodies.
82. Sends his food back because there are three too many jalepeños in it.
83. Puts soda in water cups.
84. Gets mad when you can’t hang out because you need to study.
85. Physically pushes you away when you try to cuddle with him.
86. Says men are “historically proven to excel 100% more in science and math”.
87. Believes that’s because women are truly not as smart.
88. Calls you crazy when you cry.
89. Calls you crazy when you breathe.
90. Believes global warming is a Liberal farce.
91. Reviews Auschwitz on Yelp.
92. Tells you his roommate’s dog is his for a year.
93. Drives a Subaru (someone show me a good guy who does and I’ll rethink it).
94. Doesn’t know how to balance a checkbook.
95. Thinks Portugal is in Africa.
96. Is voting for Donald Trump.
97. Tells you what his yearly income is on the first date.
98. Asks what the coach’s brother’s middle name is when you say you like sports.
99. Doesn’t hug you when he sees you.
100. Doesn’t have a good rapport with your dog.
101. Doesn’t grow you.