1. You’re reading this in your underwear while working on eating an entire bag of tortilla chips.
2. You’ve taken every Internet quiz ever created.
3. You’re in a committed relationship with something inanimate or someone you’ve never met/seen in person. i.e., your laptop or Benedict Cumberbatch.
4. You’ve considered joining the Peace Corps for the sole purpose of putting off reality for another two years after graduating.
5. You purchase new underwear instead of washing the ones you already have.
6. You eat Oreos for breakfast more frequently than you’d be willing to admit to your grandmother.
7. Your Pandora account looks as though it’s shared between you, your great aunt Mary, your teenage sister, and your dad but, in fact, it’s just your account. You hop between listening to Frank Sinatra, Bruce Springsteen, and Ke$ha every 20 minutes.
8. You haven’t been able to keep a Betta fish or plant alive for more than 3 months at a time.
9. Your birthday/Christmas wish lists look like the entire inventory of the liquor store down the street.
10. You own approximately 103 items of clothing that can be mixed and matched to form over 1,000 combinations but you wear the same three sweatshirts you stole from your dad’s closet paired with the same two pairs of sweats. Every day.
11. You undergo a constant internal struggle about what to eat for meals and often end up cyclically alternating between trying to eat broccoli and giving up and having chicken fingers and French fries (with Ranch, of course).
12. Showering takes a significant amount of motivation and often raises at least six existential questions regarding the actual importance of good hygiene.
13. You wish wool socks came in more colors and pattern variations and disregard the social stigma of pairing them with sandals.
14. You’ve seen The Breakfast Club more than 25 times.
15. You bought knitting supplies last year, but they haven’t even made it out of the Hobby Lobby bag yet.
16. You sometimes go on walks to clear your head but often wind up having a serious anxiety attack about the direction your life is taking because it looks as though there is no direction.
17. You seek refuge from the world around you by napping for very long periods of time.
18. Your dog is your therapist.
19. You check the Getaway deals on Groupon on a weekly basis and carefully plan your budget to afford a trip to Thailand but then realize you don’t have a steady job and forget about it entirely.
20. You tried to wear jeans and a nice top yesterday but got itchy and frustrated about the lack of movement permitted by such fabrics and quickly changed into that flannel you stole from your brother and some giant sweats.
21. Frozen pizza and a good Netflix documentary gets rid of your anxiety about life in general.
22. When you interview for a job, your inner monologue is just you laughing at how much you don’t know what you’re talking about.
23. You know you’re not a complete disaster because you’ve seen what a complete disaster truly looks like (the guy who ate a Cheerio off the floor in Chemistry the other day) and the world still spins in spite of it all.