white flowers blooming

I’ll Miss You Forever

I never knew death this close. Usually, when I hear someone has passed in my family, it’s typically a relative I’ve never met or haven’t seen in years. This death, however, was too close to home.

It’s been exactly a month since you passed away. You were an amazing grandfather: tall, muscular, with a full mustache and a dozen buttoned-down shirts and sweaters with several dazzling and eye-catching patterns. You knew how to dress, how to dance, how to live, and most importantly, how to love.

As I watched you peacefully leave the physical world and join our Heavenly Father, a hole grew inside of my chest that I’m sure might never be filled. I stood over you, pushed your hair back, kissed you on the forehead, and said “I love you.”

I think about you often, Pop-Pop. I dream about the days when you used to play hide and seek with my cousin and I. I remember the nights when we would watch Jeopardy! together and shout incorrect answers at the television. Although I didn’t get to spend much time with you as I did when I was younger, your passing weighs so heavily on me. I felt guilty for not being around as often, for not seeing you as often, and for not calling to check up on you as often.

I begged and pleaded to God not to take you away from us, but you belonged in a better, happier, and freer place.

I am grateful I had you for as long as I did, though. I consider myself lucky, blessed even, to have a grandfather as iconic as you were. As a young girl, I watched you take care of our small family. You were the glue that held us together through the ups and the downs.

I miss you severely. But I will carry you inside of my heart forever. I will look to you for strength when I can’t seem to stand on my own two feet.

I will see your face in my favorite memories, I will remember your voice and laugh when retelling funny moments, and I will feel your presence when surrounded by our family.

I know my tears will never cease and my hole will never be filled, and that’s okay. But I know I can always find you in the very special moments, thoughts, dreams, smiles and “I love you’s.”

About the author
In case you forgot, Black lives matter. Follow Leah on Instagram or read more articles from Leah on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related