It’s two in the morning and she’s still scrolling through your old messages.
She tries to see where it all went wrong, where it all fell apart.
Everything seemed to be okay. When you saw her last Thursday you even said “Hi” but you left quickly because you were headed home.
Then things weren’t okay.
She turns off her phone, but opens it up again. Her thumb hovers over your picture, as if debating whether or not she’s read it all or if she missed anything.
But she has. She’s read every text, every word you’ve ever said.
And like a switch, she starts to remember.
She remembers how you were never really there when she needed you.
She remembers how she would wait by her phone for your next text, and the gaps in between your conversations as you dismissed her texts and talked about yourself.
She remembers how you’d only pick up when it was convenient, when you were free, never making the time for her.
She remembers how you never really looked into her eyes when you were together, how you looked away when she smiled at you.
She remembers how you would make everything her fault, the way you twisted her words and blame her for every bump in the road.
The memories start to come through for her, and you’re in every one of them. She tried to shut them out.
“This is not who he is!” She screams to no one.
She tried to remember the way you smiled at her, how your teeth lined up to form her favorite curve.
She tried to remember the way you held her hand, how it fit perfectly with yours.
She tried to remember the way you would make her feel special, how she was the only girl you’d tell your secrets to.
She tried to remember the way you would tell her that everything would be fine as long as you had her.
She tried to remember the way you’d say goodbye to tease her, to make her say “Stay.”
But then you never really did.
You never really smiled at her the way she thought you did.
You never really held her hand with such love, the way she thought you did.
You never really made her feel special, the way she thought you did.
You never really made her feel safe, the way she thought you did.
You never really wanted to stay.
And now she’s trying to pick up the pieces of the shattered memories she had with you, trying to see them for what they really were.
You were never the man she thought you were.
And that is why you lost her.