WTF Are Turtle Treasures?

Back in August of 2006, Something Awful published an article about the last few remnants of the mysterious internet community known as “Turtle Treasures.” It was a front page feature in their then-popular column, Weekend Web – a column basically devoted to highlighting avenues of the internet that are less well-lit (read: forums dedicated to super niche interests, i.e. Libertarianism, Rapture readiness; uncommon fetishes, i.e. cuckolding, diapers; or things tweens would get unsettlingly zealous about, i.e. gamefaqs.com, vampire fiction). The corners of the internet that Weekend Web would uncover would often leave you scratching your head, feeling sad and ill for no concrete reason. They were held in little pockets of ‘what the fuck,’ where you tried to comprehend what you were seeing, but soon felt far more compelled to just move on.

“Turtle Treasures,” when it was first revealed, appeared to be such a corner, and it elicited in SA forum members the kind of worried murmurs used as filler audio during tense moments in court movie scenes. Why? Because “Turtle Treasures” was a (now defunct) community devoted to finding treasure in turtles. The key word here is “in.” I realize this content is more than 4 years old now – but that last sentence should be enough of a surreal wake-up call to get you thinking. Below is a screenshot of the Turtle Treasures forum introduction page.