A Step Forward From The Past

I sit on a hill close to the shoreline, but far enough away to see the landscape in its entirety with the majestic snow capped peaks in the distance; to the right, the grandeur of the mountains is dichotomized by a congested bridge at rush hour. Watching the wind ripple through the grass, the blades of green whip in the breeze. The water ebbs and flows, grazing and lapping the rocky beach, before retreating back into the great expanse of the inlet.

The touch of the sunlight above kisses my skin and reminds me of the simple, beautiful things in life. Through the clouds, the sun illuminates through the darkness that washes over me on my lowest days. It reminds me that I am alive in this moment, that even the most difficult times will pass, even when the challenge seems insurmountable.

In the calmest moments, an inner voice tells me that this is what life is all about—it’s about living within each moment and facing the challenges that continue to push me to be better. Though it doesn’t necessarily guarantee happiness, I do know that it gives me the strength and encouragement to get through another day, another week, and another year.

I start from the beginning—the beginning of my story, what shaped me, what made me into the person I was told to be, not the person I was meant to become. Time encases a continuum of feelings and emotions, and with every moment, it passes by with more meaning and significance as I continue to learn and better myself. It comes with learning to be okay with my past and everything that once broke me. Still, it took me years to put together my broken pieces—but this time, I know that they will stay together. I’m rebuilding, stronger than I was before. Nothing—and no one—can break me the way that my past did, like the way it truly shattered me to my core and destabilized my equilibrium.

I picked apart my ways of life like old, familiar circuits, and then rewired myself from within to be different. The roads I used to go down in my mind will now be the roads less taken as I lead myself down new and healthier pathways. I know that the roads may be tough, but I won’t feel as alone as I did before.

Through a different lens, I have learned to reframe what it means to deeply feel the happiness that is derived from being at peace with my circumstances. When I put aside the fact that there’s sometimes nothing I can do to change the course of my life, I realize that many of the struggles I battle within my mind are only against myself.

I continue to build a safe and secure home within myself, instead of remaining as a shell of an individual. Even if it means restarting on my own, I know that a fresh beginning is exactly what I need to feel like myself again—however that plays out, it is a step forward from the past.