There Is No Resolving Loss Without Forgiveness

How can you stop feeling loss, unless you’ve turned your flames of anger into butterflies of forgiveness that you can let go?

How do you learn to figure out who you are as a person, when the closest people in your life always tell you you’re nobody in this world without them?

There is only one person who will make your life what you have always dreamed of. You. You are the sculptor of your passions, the weaver of your dreams, but the future will still remain uncertain.

When you are in the throes of frustration, you scream in your head for the words thrown at you to just stop, and everything cuts like glass on bare skin – even at your strongest. All your weaknesses feel like they’re on display, and you’re slowly stripped of your identity with every fight. When it comes down to that, it’s becomes a matter of how deep the words cut.

There is almost no room to heal when one thing after another keeps pushing you under the water. Life threatens to drown you, when all you want to be is your own person. In the end, you examine yourself – in your mind, there is numbness. In your heart, you find resilience, but it’s being shattered piece by piece.

You stare at a blank wall like it’s going to show you the answers, when you already know that the solutions don’t lie in constantly overthinking. The same sentences of self-destruction repeat over and over like a broken tape on repeat, and sometimes you wonder – what is my purpose? Why am I being tested to the very edge of my limits just to prove something to someone? Or is it me fighting myself?

Am I just trying to prove to myself that I can make it through?

I am this person.

I plead with myself every single day that I will brave it through the fiercest storms, the ones that leave a scar that won’t go away. I promise myself every night that someday, I will feel an inner calmness from within, a calmness where I will not be afraid of anyone, or anything – including my own fears. I will not have to run away because I’m scared of being hurt again.

By then, I hope I will understand that there is no way to resolve loss, unless I forgive. 

Living, reflecting, and learning to be my best self.

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