You think to yourself, “How could it get worse than this?” You persuade yourself every single time that this is the worst it could be, but it’s a never-ending cycle of waiting for the next big storm to hit you – it’s seemingly only a matter of time and place. You begin questioning yourself as an individual: is it just life, or is it me?
Whatever it is that’s happening in your life – there’s the weight of a hundred bricks on your chest pulling you below the surface, the turbulent emotions in your head translating into the feeling of being slowly choked of air. All you want is to take that first breath after you’ve been drowning, filling your lungs with sweet relief.
Every second is a struggle, every hour feels like a whole year, every day feels like a new battle that you’re tired of fighting. Your line of thought fades in and out of consciousness – blurred, confused, angry, frustrated, numb, empty. You’ve spent so much time mulling over what went wrong, thinking of every possible scenario, feeling helpless, a slave to your situation.
To be honest, you could deny the process in your heart, but you know full well that facing tribulations and accepting the whole truth is the most difficult part of coming to terms with what’s weighing you down.
In the darkest of places when self-care is the best solution, that means also being adamant and honest with yourself. It means truthfully answering those difficult questions about yourself and about others – and knowing that what you want will not always be the correct answer. Sometimes we want a different answer just to cope with the immediate issues at hand, perhaps to simply restore a temporary sense of familiarity and routine. What is right is not always the easiest option.
It means creating boundaries for yourself, because you won’t submit to weakness, temptation, toxicity, or to the ones that hurt you before. It means accepting that some things are better left unsaid, some connections are meant to be left in the past, some people come into your life to teach you resilience and what it feels like to put up a fight.
You’re okay with taking a loss, but you’re not okay with letting yourself surrender to the pain. You’re open to accepting the help you need – it doesn’t mean you’re not strong, it means you’re not always being on the defensive.
It means doing all those cliché things that you read about. Being able to be comfortable doing them alone is a strength, because truth be told, you can’t be surrounded by people all the time. Dance in the mirror to a song that pumps you up. Take a walk in the rain, feel the wind and the healing that comes from the power of nature. Roll down the windows all the way and turn up the radio, scream those words without caring what anyone in the car beside you thinks. Pray and let go of your struggles, even if it’s for only a brief moment. Never underestimate the power of releasing your emotions.
You know you’ve been here before, and you’ll be here again. See the beauty in the world beyond the storms in your mind. You’ll feel weathered, but you won’t lose your shine. Don’t guilt yourself for feeling broken – but instead of allowing yourself to be cut by the shards, pick up the pieces and stitch yourself back together.
When you survive the storms and the struggles, it means losing some, but rebuilding more. It’s a true test of character, of faith, of strength. The greatest win is proving to yourself that you can get through the worst.