6 Reasons I’ve Decided To Stop Searching For My Self-Validation In You

Allef Vinicius
Allef Vinicius

1. How can I expect you to love me when you can’t seem to love yourself?

I thought by trying to make you love me, that somehow it would trigger something inside of me. I thought I would wake up and feel empowered to do everything I know I’m worth in this world. My passion resides inside of me and I waited and waited for you to give me the green light—to show the world I can shine.

2. It isn’t your responsibility to constantly remind myself I’m good enough.

There are so many times that I blamed you for the love I couldn’t give myself. I yelled at you, pushed you away, and made myself crawl back to you because I felt like if I couldn’t figure out how to give myself love, that somehow your love would be enough. I settled in your unavailable love because that’s what I wrote off as good enough. I was giving up my hope and sense of purpose because I didn’t feel worthy of anything; I was a failure.

3. I can’t keep using you as a mirror as if you could somehow bring me solace.

I saw so much of you in myself and I felt that if I could just break you open, that I could open myself up, too. Unfortunately, the more and more I tried, the more and more I felt like a failure. I thought that if I could get a “win” and save you or make you love me, then I could be good enough to conquer the world.

4. Nothing you do will ever be enough for the love I seek to find in myself.

By giving you all the love that I had within me, I was taking the love I was supposed to be giving myself and throwing it away like it was wasted space. I limited myself and tortured myself. You were this constant cycle of self-destruction, reminding me that I wasn’t good enough. But I am.

5. Looking to you for love will only limit myself.

You’re a human being with wants, needs, and desires, and I made it be as if I was the only important thing in your life. I was being selfish. Seeking you out as my source of air and energy. As if I couldn’t live, breathe or even succeed without you. I was wrong.

6. It’s not your fault that it took me this long to realize it’s not your job to remind me to love myself.

I am deeply sorry. I didn’t mean to waste your time or mine. I just wanted you to want the same things I did, but you don’t, and that’s ok. I finally realize that if I want validation in my life I must find it in myself. To branch out elsewhere and exert my passion somewhere positive. You’ll find your happiness as I will find mine—even if it’s not within each other. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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