Am I simply a sum of all the people who couldn’t love me? A patchwork of pieces of me that I’ve given to those who could not hold them? A mosaic I’ve created from a heart that’s been broken too many times?
Yes. And no.
I am shaped by those who could not or would not love me. I hold those experiences close; I hold that hurt close. In those people who didn’t know how to love me, I see all that I am not. I see all the parts of me that are unlovable and unwanted. I see all the parts of me that are broken and unhealed. I am a product of my trauma, of my heartbreak.
I am shaped by those who could not or would not love me, but I’m learning how to let go of that pain. I’m learning that my worth isn’t determined by someone else’s ability or inability to love me.
In those people who didn’t know how to love me, I see all that I am worth. I see a heart that loves and protects with ferocity, a heart that refuses to become calloused and cold in the midst of its own breaking. I see a friend who values loyalty over all else. I see a woman who knows her worth and who will not accept less than she deserves and desires. I see a human who has value simply for the fact that she exists in this world.
You are a product of all who didn’t know how to love you. But that isn’t all you are.
Sometimes people are unprepared to love you in the way that you need and deserve to be loved, and that shapes the way you see yourself. Often, this inability to love you in the way you hope to be loved has very little to do with you and how deserving you are. Other people’s love does not define you, nor does it determine your worth.
You are worth the love you crave.
You are worth the love you crave, but that doesn’t mean everyone knows how to give you that love. It’s heartbreaking when someone you love is incapable of or unwilling to love you back. In these moments, you have to remind yourself that you are worth more than those who didn’t know how to love you.