You fell and you hurt but you’re ready for something new. You took the appropriate time you needed to heal. You listened when everyone said you were ready to get back out there. So you did. And now you’re falling in love again. But you just can’t help but feel like you’re doing something wrong. Physically and (almost entirely) mentally you were ready. Then why do you find yourself slipping back into the realms of the life you once lived? The life you had with someone else. A life you once loved just as much as you love your new life.
You left that life because it wasn’t fulfilling. It burned you and left you out to dry. So why can’t you stop thinking about it? You patiently and cautiously waited for someone to come into your life that was nothing like that. You made sure that this time, you gave yourself to someone that would support and guide you. But there’s this burning itch in your mind that keeps reminding you of what you had before. It will lie to you and tell you that it wasn’t so bad, that you even miss those times.
It’s all the little things that you’ll remember in those times. The quiet mornings at the coffee shop with two fat-free lattes between you. The late nights on the dance floor with the bass booming and sweat pouring. When you remember those times it will happen when you’re cuddled up with your new love under a flannel blanket on the loveseat or when you’re lost in their embrace on a starry-eyed walk through the park.
It will hit you like a hurricane and flood your mind with turmoil. Wait why am I even thinking of this right now? How could I do this to them? They don’t deserve the second guesses and what-if’s.
It feels like you’ve cheated. It feels like your mind is unfaithful. But it’s not, you don’t want that anymore. You want your new life with your new love. So why is this happening?
Relax, it’s human nature. You spent months, years, maybe even decades with that person. They were once a part of you and in one way or another, has defined who you are today. So yes, you will think of them at some point. They will pop up on your timeline. You will come across old pictures of you two and wonder where they are today. If you weren’t doing this at all, I would argue that would be an issue. Remember, you need to deal with your past as you navigate your future.
Use each of these times as a teachable moment. Maybe the memories you are making with your new love remind you of your old love, but they are better. Use these times to compare how you once felt and how now you are that much more sure of the choice you made.
You are where you are with your new love because your last love gave you the opportunity to move on. So stop drowning yourself in guilt because your old love makes appearances in your thoughts. Now it may be once every couple of weeks but eventually, that will turn into once every couple of months or even once every couple of years.