I am someone that feels everything and nothing at the same time. I am both a ferocious lover and an apathetic cynic. I believe in the best and the worst simultaneously. I have never been surprised at heartbreak but still continue to love like a revolving door.
On the one hand it is so enticing believing in love, believing there is good in people. It feels good to trust people. It is the embodiment of stopping to smell the flowers while taking in a sunny spring sunrise. It is sweet, it is pure. It is almost child-like. That is just how I love, that is how it feels for me.
I have been called a bleeding heart. I have been told I am unrealistic and having these feelings is a reckless way to go through life. Maybe it is but I don’t want to stop believing that we are here to spread love to those who deserve it the most.
But that is exactly my point. I am no fool about this. I have come to learn the difference between those who deserve my love and those who don’t. I welcome all I meet with an open heart but on the opposite side of those doors is a padlock not even I have the key to. Without thinking twice I will so quickly flip the switch between love and aversion.
You see, I’ve dealt with this so many times. It wasn’t just the high school heartbreak, the college catastrophe, or “the one.” I have seen the ice inside so many souls that unfortunately, a little frost will always linger in mine too. It won’t shock me when you show that side, so don’t be alarmed when the flurries come from my way too.
So this is what it’s like being two sides of the same coin. If I feel that instant spark, I can be overwhelming. I will believe in the passion I feel without question. I will move quickly and I will make my intentions clear.
But the minute you show apprehension, if I feel you taking those steps back, my ticket on the next train out of town will already be bought. You won’t even see me leaving and I will never look back. Because I don’t do casual, I don’t do part-time. You get everything, or you get nothing.